_r2j_scallback({"feed": {"updated": "2010-07-29T20:09:22.021-07:00", "subtitle": "Thousands of men and women struggle with their sexual identities and find themselves with an urge to \"act out\" in their sexual brokenness. This struggle can be all-consuming at times and extremely costly. It can lead to harsh judgment from the \"straight\" community, the \"homosexual\" community and from the church. The goal is victory. The \"signs\" of our struggle are the evidence we continue on in hope, accepting grace.", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 29, 20, 9, 22, 3, 210, 0], "title": "Signs of a Struggle", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "itemsperpage": "25", "generator_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com", "version": "7.00", "name": "Blogger"}, "feedburner_info": "", "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/", "startindex": "1", "generator": "Blogger", "totalresults": "91", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807", "feedburner_feedflare": "Subscribe with Daily Rotation"}, "encoding": "utf-8", "bozo": 0, "version": "atom10", "namespaces": {"": "http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom", "openSearch": "http://a9.com/-/spec/opensearch/1.1/", "media": "http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/", "app": "http://www.w3.org/2007/app", "thr": "http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0", "georss": "http://www.georss.org/georss", "gd": "http://schemas.google.com/g/2005", "feedburner": "http://rssnamespace.org/feedburner/ext/1.0"}, "entries": [{"edited": "2010-07-29T16:40:41.700-07:00", "updated": "2010-07-29T16:40:41.700-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\nSometimes our pain is caused by love
\nor maybe just the lack of.
\nSometimes our love is caused by pain
\nof someone else's using gain.
\n
\nSometimes we're sure that love is real,
\nor maybe it's just what we feel.
\nSometimes what's real is not of love
\nIt's what we get because we deal.
\n
\nBut God loves us though He can see
\nthe ugly stain in you and me.
\nOur sins, the broken ones we are,
\nAnd brings us home from wandering far.
\n
\nHis love removes the pain we feel,
\nHis love restores and makes us real.
\nHis love redeems the broken man.
\nHis love says we can stand again.
\n
\n-- Thom Hunter
\n
\nI've often said that if I had been given a choice of sins, I would have chosen more wisely, that I would not have picked from the shelf the fruit of temptation labeled same-sex attraction. I would have gone on down the aisle for some sin a little less edgy, a little less blatant, a little more acceptable, more palatable . . . more forgivable? -- which makes no sense -- but I would definitely have preferred a sin that more people could better understand.
\n
\nOf course . . . there is nothing wise about \"choosing sin\" in the first place. The only wise thing is to not. Too late. We mature into our wisdom at about the same rate we grow into our sin and they uncomfortably co-habitate. Of course, we confuse knowledge with wisdom, but that's a topic for another day. The point is, we sin. We're not setting a precedence, or establishing a trend. Sin is not a fad; it's a fact.
\n
\n

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. -- Romans 7:14-16

\nI know that a lot of the people who read this blog have been beaten down by the weight of their sexual sin. I know that a lot of the people who read this blog are trying to find some way to lift back up those they love who have been beaten down. Beaten down by . . . a judgmental church perhaps . . . a blinded-to-his-own-sin brother . . . a former friend with whiplash from the blindsiding . . . a misguided but well-meaning advisor who has a chart on sin-ranking, with sexual sin being \"off the charts\" . . . a culture warrior who equates homosexual struggles with homosexual agendas. The list of those who are in a frenzied rush to throw the first stone is long.
\n
\nWhy do I know this? As one who fell into sexual sin and emerged into the bright lights of full revelation, I've experienced the repercussions of wrangling with each of the above. Results? Church discipline and removal . . . loss of friendships . . . rejection by my own offspring . . . beyond-the-chart reactions by the more religious-among-we . . . and claims that my sins were tantamount to a deathly attack on all that is good and meaningful in life. We don't stone sexual sinners anymore . . . but we do pile on enough pebbles to bury them in hopes they will please just disappear. It is . . . embarrassing . . . after all. Christians are to pursue purity, not practice lust. (No argument there.)
\n
\nSo, I was wondering . . . if the opportunity presented itself . . . could I maybe just trade up? My sins for someone else's? Take on the sinful nature of a more natural sinner perhaps? Accumulate a few sins from my accusers in exchange for the one that put them to pointing fingers? My same-sex attraction sin, which I never wanted in the first place, slipped across the table for some wild-card sin of another. I hate my sin and am amazed that God loves me despite it . . . and even in spite of it?
\n
\n

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8

\nIf we were not sinners, God would not have needed to send His son. But we are . . . and He did. Amazing love that.
\n
\nStill . . . I don't like this sin. So . . . I think I'll trade it for . . . hatred . . . or idolatry . . . or unbelief . . . or debauchery . . . or selfish ambition . . . or fits of rage . . . or jealousy . . . or drunkenness . . . or envy . . . or gossip . . . or lying . . . or gluttony . . . or stealing . . . or discord . . . or judgment . . . or pride . . . or witchcraft (well, maybe not) . . . or \"the like,\" which should pretty much cover just about anything the nail-me-to-the-dartboard crowd might bear in their sinful nature. Yep . . . they have one of those natures too.
\n
\nSome sins are actually greater in the measurement of morality. A person who murders and a person who spreads rumors are not the same. Stealing and coveting are similar, but one, in its action, causes more problems. Still, an exchange of sin might go kind of like this:
\n
\n\"Hey, dude,\" I would say. \"I'll trade you my lustful thoughts for your prideful ones. Even -Steven.\"
\n
\n\"Wow,\" he might reply. \"If I thought you worthy of my pride, I'd willingly trade . . . but I think I'm probably the only one who could actually bear this sin this well. Sorry, got to pass.\"
\n
\nSo I move on to the next bargain-basement sin bearer.
\n
\n\"Morning . . . I'm looking to trade all my sexual sin for your gift of gossip. Deal?\"
\n
\n\"Oh my goodness,\" she replied (yes, I know I'm stereotyping.) \"You're a sexual sinner? I promise . . . I won't tell a soul . . .unless, of course, I run across someone who might be able to help you out and all. And if I do, I'll be real careful about what I say. Gotta' run. Meeting some friends for lunch.\"
\n
\nHmmm . . . where to turn, where to turn.
\n
\n\"Oh, hey there,\" I said to the next guy. \"I'm ready to rid myself of this sexual sin. Can I interest you in a trade? I noticed you have an extra heaping helping of hatred there. Surely you wouldn't miss that.\"
\n
\n\"I know about people like you,\" he said. \"And I know all I need to know.\"
\n
\nHatred leads to quick answers.
\n
\n\"Alrighty then,\" I said to myself as I looked around and spotted a 'friend' from the past. \"Wow . . . it's been so long. You still carrying all that judgment around? Care to unload it for my sexual sin? Something a little different . . . even perhaps more manageable?\"
\n
\n\"Get thee behind me,\" came the practiced reply from a face that looked to the left of my shoulder, eyes pinched to avoid the infection of interaction.
\n
\nMy brushes with Brother Hatred and Sister Judgment were a severe blow to my plans for exchanging my sins for another's. The list of sins is actually pretty long, but everyone seemed more-or-less content to deal with what they already have, familiar with their consequences, already comfortable with their lay-it-all-down techniques.
\n
\nI spotted one last potential swapper. The sin was not so evident, but I knew he had to have it hidden somewhere.
\n
\n\"Oh . . . hey there.\" I said. \"Wanna swap sins? I struggle with sexual temptation and, frankly, I'm tired of all the baggage that comes with it, the diligence required, the up-keep, the internal battle, the always-on-my-guardness of it all. And, well . . . you know . . . it is the worst sin, after all . . . survey says.\"
\n
\nHe shifted a bit, keeping whatever sin it was he bore, completely out of sight. And then . . . as he turned and ignored me altogether, I caught a glimpse.
\n
\nUnforgiveness.
\n
\nI backed away at about the same pace as he. That's one sin I would never trade for. Every sin has consequences, but to be unable or unwilling to forgive? What a burden to bear.
\n
\n

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -- Ephesians 4:32

\nI crumpled my list and tossed it aside. Not that I want to hang on to my sexual sin. I don't. And I'm not, through the grace of God and the love of brothers and sisters who go beyond the labels. Besides, there's no need to trade away something someone died to remove. Why trade something when you can gain by His having already taken it away? Sin is sin. Mine and yours . . . and his and hers . . . theirs. We're all mingled in our sinful nature and not as separable as we want to believe we are.
\n
\nGalatians 5:19-21 -- one of the well-known lists of sins -- is followed quickly by Galatians 5:22 . . . But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. I'm sure you get the picture.
\n
\nNow that's a reasonable trade. The teetering imbalance of sin for the uprighting indwelling of the Spirit. The rotting decay of hatred, sexual immorality, gluttony and sinful on-and-on . . . for the ever-blossoming fruits of the Spirit. None of the things I listed above and conjured to trade for would replace my sexual sin with love, or joy, or peace, or patience, or kindness, or goodness, or faithfulness. No, not one. I'd still just be sinning.
\n
\nThe deal we need to make with each other, sealed with a handshake, heart-to-heart, is to stand with each other and help each other rise to defy the evil one who tempts us each in our own weak way. We can give each other strength through love and forgiveness, but only Jesus Christ can cleanse us from our sins.
\n
\nI'm not proud to have owned this particular sin. But then . . . pride would be a sin too, wouldn't it?
\n
\nSo, I'm back where I started. As I said, I would not have chosen this sin. In fact, I did not choose this sin. But, I do have a choice I can make regarding this sin, just as every one who struggles with any sin, has. I can choose to awaken each God-given day . . . and give this sin away to the One who bore it for me. Why I took it back so often will be a question God may yet reveal. It's not mine to bear unless I dare to snatch it back and claim for myself something Someone else already paid for. That too, as I see it, is a sin.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 29, 16, 40, 41, 3, 210, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 7, 29, 14, 19, 0, 3, 210, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "adultery", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "hate", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "pornography", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "gossip", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "lust", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "judgment", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/07/lets-trade-my-sins-for-yours.html", "title": "Let's Trade: My Sins for Yours?", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. -- Romans 7:14-16

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -- Ephesians 4:32

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/dMt_vAOaltc/lets-trade-my-sins-for-yours.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-07-29T14:19:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "6", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-1073413225419581573"}, {"edited": "2010-07-26T07:11:04.720-07:00", "updated": "2010-07-26T07:11:04.720-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n

\n

I carry the past that each day I chose

One step to another . . . now everyone knows.

It isn't the past I would have wanted to claim

But it is my past . . . it is mine just the same.

\n

I wonder sometimes about all of this

Can there be no exchanging what was for what is?

Will there be no will be because of what's done?

Will yesterday's darkness eclipse today's sun?

\n

Is forgiveness a mystery, a want too far-flung?

Is healing a melody not to be sung?

Is change just a hold-out, dangled just past the grasp?

Is grace to be rationed . . . with some of us passed?

\n

No mystery, no silence, withholding or ration

But clearly and justly and full of compassion

Forgiveness and grace for changing and healing

Are given to us through our Savior's revealing.

\n

Through faith in His love, through trust in His grace,

Our past just becomes our starting-out place.

He is there when we stumble, He is there when we stand

If we rise through the strength of His out-stretched hand.

-- Thom Hunter

\n
\n
\nIt stands to reason to me that if we, as Christians, can embrace the idea that bad things happen to good people . . . then we would be able to wrap our arms around the idea that good people -- even Christians -- do a fair amount of those bad things. And then we could wrap our good Christian arms around those that did it and those that hid it at the same time we comfort those that got pummeled by it. \"It\" being sin. Surely our arms are bigger than we let on. Surely, there is mercy and forgiveness and grace abounding. Surely we can restore the sinner with the same hope we rescue the sinned-against. Surely God's love -- which is to be in us -- is enough to cover all.
\n
\n
\nSurely.
\n
\n
\nWe're so concerned with preserving goodness that we blind ourselves to the ever-threatening badness, fooling ourselves into thinking we can purge it, despite God's clear warning it will always be with us. We need to deal with it, not delude ourselves into thinking that our purity affords us some protection He didn't even offer His own Son. We think if we deal harshly with those who have succumbed to temptation that we might find ourselves somehow supernaturally separated from it and unable to fall. Look out below.
\n
\n
\nWe're so determined to flee that we opt for banishment instead of reconstruction. Go weep and wail and gnash your teeth; we're praising in here. We build walls where we should build alliances against the evil that is stripping others bare right before our eyes. Sometimes we bow down in solitude when we should stand in solidarity. We nurse our own little nicks from contact with sin rather than addressing the gaping wounds of those who are being slashed to pieces from within.
\n
\n
\n

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. -- Isaiah 53:6

\n
\nDid you get that? All. Each. If you know someone who thinks somehow he is not one of the sheep; has not gone astray; has not turned to his own way . . . pray for him. His sins weigh as heavily as yours, but his blinders are a deeper tint.
\n
\n
\nWe pray \"give me Your eyes . . . give me Your heart . . . give me Your hands.\" Why? So we can see . . . and feel . . . and do, like He would do. We don't pray \"blind me and bind me and callous my heart.\" Yet we sometimes pray \"hide me in the cleft of the rock,\" but for all the wrong reasons. Not for security and salvation . . . but for refuge from the challenging restlessness of the world in which He placed us.
\n
\n
\nThis is no place for cowards.
\n
\n
\nThis is a place for courage.
\n
\n
\nCourage to carry out courageous commandments.
\n
\n
\n

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, that you love one another. -- John 13:34-35.

\n
\nThat you . . . judge . . . one another? That you . . . condemn . . . one another? That you . . . shame . . . one another? That you . . . blame . . . one another? That you . . . reject . . . one another? That you . . . remove . . . one another? That you . . . ignore . . . one another?
\n
\n
\nNo. Love.
\n
\n
\nWe're not here forever: we're there forever. Glory. But, while we temporarily reside in gory, with glory in our future, can we not be a bit less cautious? A little less cringing before the mess? Our knees are meant to help us surrender, but it is to Him we surrender so we can rise in His righteousness, not so we can hide beneath His robes.
\n
\nThis is the world, chock-full with God's creation, from yellow butterflies floating in glorious freeness to hardened murderers pacing concrete cells, from babies cooing to drunkards cursing, from couples pledging forever fidelity to adulterers pursuing destructive infidelity, from children sitting on a sunset beach with a snow cone to children crowded into a dark room longing for a cracker, from a grandmother knitting booties while rocking next to a table filled with pictures of her legacy, to a grandfather striving to picture all the ones who come behind him but choose not to know him.
\n
\nThis is the world, bright and dingy, clear and cloudy, green and gray, life-giving and death-dealing, abundant and barren, pure and stained, refreshing and repelling, blissful and blighted, rejoicing and recoiling, accepting and rejecting. It turns toward us with outstretched hands; it turns against us with a slap. It heals; it hurts. There is so much give and take that we often know not what we have or for how long.
\n
\nThis is no place for cowards.
\n
\nWe are much too often the brute beast instead of the bleating sheep. And yet . . . He is with us always.
\n
\nI remember taking a walk along a railroad trestle with my sexual abuser when I was about eight. It was on one of the most beautiful days I remember. We stood on the trestle overlooking a perfectly clear and babbling stream that danced upon smooth rocks far below. And I found myself trusting the one who was trying to destroy me for his personal and temporary satisfaction. The sadness of the damage done was overwhelmed by the beauty of the scene in which it had all taken place and the comfort of camouflaged caring.
\n
\nThere were times in the future that I would wish he had tossed me from the trestle to the rocks below like an empty soft drink bottle. Would it have been better to have forever left the brokenness on the rocks below than to have carried it along on the tracks of life?
\n
\nGod has plans. This is no place for cowards.
\n
\nI am so blessed by those who struggle in determination, realizing there is no guarantee they will overcome the temptation attached to this side of eternity. Still, they hope and pray and trust and obey . . . and if they fall, they rise again to hope and pray and trust and obey. I am encouraged by those who climb free from the suffocating mess and turn and cheer the ones behind them. I am energized by the relative few who reach into a mess they do not understand and offer a hand to those whose hands are dripping from the muck and mire . . . and pull and grasp and refuse to let go, even when the slime makes the grip almost impossible. They do not give up; they do not flee; they love . . . and pull.
\n
\nThere is such a thing as glory. We can see hints of it and they are given to us not to make us content here, but to make us intent to enter that glory someday beside those who might never have glimpsed it but through us. Hand-in-hand with the ones who would have given up and given in and gone down into the gore were it not for the sacrifice of our selves on the banks of their destruction.
\n
\nThis is no place for cowards.
\n
\nI have exchanged the anger I once had for the spiritually-blind and churchianity-bound self-proclaimed saints for pity. What an unattractive flock. Yet, I am aware that if one of them strays -- even into that pure-white blindness of their own self-sustaining spirituality -- Christ will go out of His way to bring them in and keep them safe. Some of them need to be saved from themselves.
\n
\nYes . . . I hurt others because of my decades of enslavement to same-sex attraction. I was selfish . . . or at the least the self I thought I was was selfish. Sometimes we feed a person inside who was never invited but has become like home-folk. That sinful guy becomes very loyal, even in his unlimited demanding. He has his own view of the world, and it's based on desire. He is determined to get what he wants.
\n
\nTo quote the Borg from Star Trek:
\n
\n \"Resistance is futile.\"
\n
\nOr, to quote God:
\n
\n

This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. \u2013 I John 5:3-5

\nFeed the bleating beast's insatiable demands? Futility. Obey God's commands which \"are not burdensome?\" Victory. Love. Overcoming.
\n
\nChrist came and died and rose again not to insulate us from the sins of others, but to free us from the burden of our own, that being death, which He conquered in our place. And, in His great love for us, He gives us the desire to work as we can to defeat the sins we still bear. That great love should cause us to willingly bear with others the weight of the sins they have yet to conquer.
\n
\nBut what of judgment? Does it not stand to reason we should suffer and be punished and die a thousand deaths for the darkness we have dabbled in and dealt to others? Don't we need to add a little spice to the consequences? Drive it all home? JUDGE?
\n
\n
\n

Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son. -- John 5:22

Judgment has already taken place. Jesus bore it; my sins and yours adding to the weight. Yes, I will account for all my sins when I stand . . . finally and forever . . . before the King. The King who entrusted all judgement to the Son.
\n
\nThis is the world. The world that Satan wants to rule; the world that Jesus wants to love. The world that Satan came to kill; the world that Jesus came to save.
\n
\nJesus was no coward.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 26, 7, 11, 4, 0, 207, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 7, 22, 12, 25, 0, 3, 203, 0], "tags": [{"term": "courage", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Church discipline", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Grace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "judgment", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/07/this-is-no-place-for-cowards.html", "title": "This is No Place for Cowards", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n

\n

I carry the past that each day I chose

One step to another . . . now everyone knows.

It isn't the past I would have wanted to claim

But it is my past . . . it is mine just the same.

\n

I wonder sometimes about all of this

Can there be no exchanging what was for what is?

Will there be no will be because of what's done?

Will yesterday's darkness eclipse today's sun?

\n

Is forgiveness a mystery, a want too far-flung?

Is healing a melody not to be sung?

Is change just a hold-out, dangled just past the grasp?

Is grace to be rationed . . . with some of us passed?

\n

No mystery, no silence, withholding or ration

But clearly and justly and full of compassion

Forgiveness and grace for changing and healing

Are given to us through our Savior's revealing.

\n

Through faith in His love, through trust in His grace,

Our past just becomes our starting-out place.

He is there when we stumble, He is there when we stand

If we rise through the strength of His out-stretched hand.

-- Thom Hunter

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. -- Isaiah 53:6

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, that you love one another. -- John 13:34-35.

This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. \u2013 I John 5:3-5

Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son. -- John 5:22

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/MiM27ntRoP4/this-is-no-place-for-cowards.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-07-22T12:25:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "6", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-26897417594546832"}, {"edited": "2010-07-15T16:59:58.395-07:00", "updated": "2010-07-15T16:59:58.395-07:00", "subtitle": "I
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

\u201cWhere is God? ...Go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double-bolting on the inside. After that, silence.\u201d \u2013 C.S. Lewis, after the death of his wife.

My grandfather was a man of few words. At least he was to me. I was often just an intrusive little boy who always forgot to not slam the screen door when running in and out. I'd yell out an \"I'm sorry\" as I bounded down the porch steps or down the hall. Paw-Paw, sitting at a card table playing Solitaire, would usually just make a grunting noise in return, not looking up from the cards, though once I paused and saw him smile. That told me a lot more than the grunt.

I regret now that I was always dashing in and out and passing his table with little thought. He was so accessible, but for some reason I felt he would have little to say, not a lot in common, and might want me to linger longer than I wanted to. So, I dashed and slammed. What was so much more important? Hide-and-seek with the now-forgotten neighborhood kids in our connecting yards? A comic book down the hall that needed reading?

I wonder if the slamming door echoed in the emptiness of the room in which he often sat alone playing his cards or eating syrup on bread? How long did the smile stay on his face?

I do know that my grandfather was not a man of few words with everyone. He helped my older brother assemble a motorcycle. That takes more than a grunt. And I do remember him putting some pretty stern and loud polish on a few words here and there . . . again usually spoken to my brother, often from the front porch as the motorcycle disappeared down the street. Probably sent the neighbor kids into a deeper form of hide-and seek.

I wouldn't necessarily say Paw-Paw had a way with words, seeing as how he somehow gave my grandmother the nickname \"Bump,\" a term of endearment she endured until his death and probably repeated in her peaceful thoughts until her own.

What words would he have had for me had I listened? Would I have had a nickname? What might Paw-Paw have wanted to hear had I slowed and sat a moment at the table? Maybe he was much more interested in me than I thought. I believe he was. Maybe he would have said more if I had sought more. I believe he would have.

I' never picture God as a grandfather, puttering around in the garage for spare parts to make this or that work again. He doesn't tinker. He ticked the first tick and knows all and sees all and hears all . . . but sometimes I think He plays a little Solitaire.

How about Hearts instead, God? Deal me in.

I know that God is omni-present; but it seems every now and then He is omni-absent. The sign on the door says \"Gone Fishing,\" the lights are out, the doorbell dings in an empty room, the No Vacancy sign is on . . . drive on down the road . . . alone. Yes, I know that is not true; He never leaves me; He never leaves you. Even as I sit here and write questions about His absence, He knows each keystroke in advance. But . . . will He keep me from misspelling? Bad grammar? No.

Wasn't He there, in the Garden of Eden, right after Adam and Eve's encounter with the serpent? His Word says God came walking up in the cool of the day. Surely He was also there in the heat of the moment. Yet He didn't clear his throat and wag his finger and say \"Ummm . . . Eve . . no, no, no.\" So Eve did, did, did and we've been done for since.

God was oddly silent and then clearly loud.
\n
\n
\nI'll admit that it bothers me a bit to know that God was with me before I slipped and, with all the power of the universe, watched me tumble, twist and turn on the way down, hit the bottom with a gut-wrenching and bone-jarring thud . . . and then comes out in the cool of the day as if He had not seen it all happen. Is He really a \"what's up?\" God?
\n
\n
\nNo.
\n
\n
\n

\u201cWait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.\u201d -- Psalm 27:14

But I don't want to wait. I want to act. I want to meet a . . . need? I want!
\n
\n
\nHow many of us, when we are dialing a number we shouldn't know; turning into an area we shouldn't go, logging on to a website we shouldn't see, acting like someone we shouldn't be . . . say to ourselves: \"Wait . . . Let me ask God about this?\"
\n
\n
\nIt's easy to say He's not speaking when we're not pausing. It's pure spiritual finger-pointing to say He's not responding when we're not reflecting.

I think sometimes we think we might prefer a \"No . . . No . . . No . . .\" wagging-a-warning finger God. And we would, of course, gently lay down our pride, sweep aside our defiance, thank Him profusely for keeping us from falling, pledge our undying trust and obey without question. Or perhaps we would eat of the fruit; gain the knowledge we do not need; satisfy the glutton side of our spirit and waddle into our all-too-familiar rescue me mode.
\n
\n
\nFact of the matter is, God does wag a \"No . . . No. . . No. . . \" finger in our faces. We just ignore it and say we didn't hear Him. Are we actually expecting God to come sit by our bedside and read His Word aloud to us at night?
\n
\n
\n
\n

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. -- Proverbs 3:1-7

\nOK . . . I'll do that. But . . . remind me. Okay, God? I just might forget.
\n
\nOops . . . that was how the verse began: \"do not forget.\" And it asks me to \"keep.\" Keep what? Those commands I so easily tossed to lighten the load as I traveled down the me-want road. And . . . oh yeah . . . He wanted me to write \"love and faithfulness\" on the tablet of my heart. But . . . that's my heart. There's not much writing room left; I've done a lot of scribbling and mark-outs through the years trying to satisfy the longings of my heart.
\n
\nOf course then He wants me to trust. Trust? Lust? Tough choices we face in this life. He says if I trust Him instead of myself . . . he will take all those crooked detours, jagged fault lines, dangerous drop-offs, impossible mountains . . . those cliffs . . . out of my path and make it \"straight.\" We're not talking sexual semantics here . . . we're talking direction . . . which can certainly lead to some serious sexual semantics.
\n
\nSo what else does this \"silent\" God, who has looked up at me as I once again slammed a door in haste, have to say? He says for me to not \"be wise in my own eyes.\" Who knew that the pursuit of wisdom could be so dangerous? Well . . . Eve, I guess, in retrospect. Adam, too. And, oh yes, the serpent. But he knew it all along. Surely God doesn't want me to just be stupid? I'd get into so much trouble. Oh . . . yeah. That.
\n
\n

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. -- I Corinthians 1:25

\nI remember driving out onto a lonely hill at the edge of the town I grew up in, seeing the lights in the distance and thinking of each of them as a porch light in a home where everything was right and good, every body tucked in for the night, every heart satisfied, every mind at rest, every soul at peace.
\n
\nLacking the courage to call out to God, I repeated instead within my mind what all was not right with my world . . . my home . . . my heart . . . my soul . . . my peace. And those words echoed within the emptiness . . . and brought me heartache. I had come to the hill alone . . . and remained there alone . . . and departed alone. My choice.
\n
\nWe may come to the garden alone . . . but we shouldn't leave that way. He is so accessible, but He might want us to linger a little longer than we want to. So, we dash and slam. \"Oops . . . sorry.\"
\n
\nWhat must really be difficult for God -- if anything could ever so be labeled -- is to hear the echoes of His own Word as it descends into our valleys and reverberates against the emptiness we feel as we seek to satisfy our selves with increasing self-absorption. We want to move that mountain, cross that valley, swim that ocean . . . and then . . . when totally satiated, cry out \"Where were you, God?\"
\n
\nWith you.
\n
\nThe heartache of His echo.
\n
\nI know sometimes it seems that we are all alone in whatever battle has worked to separate us from His love, whatever temptation has tattered our goodness, whatever sin has led to our shunning. But we are never alone. We would not, could not, will not be alone.
\n
\nHaving trouble finding your own way out of your mess? Tempted to blame God, declaring Him absorbed in some sort of Solitaire while you slowly slip away?
\n
\nMaybe, in some small way, God really is like Paw-Paw. Maybe I would hear more than a grunt; see more than a passing smile . . . if I would open a few doors here and there instead of slamming them as I proceed to and fro on my own. Maybe if I played a little less hide-and-seek, put away the comics -- the pursuit of happiness as defined by culture -- and paused at the table, talked to Him, listened to Him, pulled out the chair, sat down . . . and waited.
\n
\nLike He asked me to do in the first place. Remember: \u201cWait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.\u201d -- Psalm 27:14
\n
\n
\nYou know, that's what I always wanted: to be strong, to have courage. And He said I could. If I would wait for Him. I bet that was a resounding echo.
\n
\nI do love God. And, with God, Solitaire is a team sport. One heart.
\n
\nNext time you find yourself feeling the pain of self-induced pity at your pitiful plight of weakness in the face of temptation, remember: Wait. Be strong. Take courage. Wait.
\n
\nWe don't do that very well, do we? Waiting. Waiting on the Lord. Want . . . wait. A choice that can lead us into a celebration of conversation or a heartache of echoes, purpose or pain, oneness or aloneness. Victory or defeat. Restoration or repetition. A straight path or an endless cycle.
\n
\nGod is never silent. He spoke it all in advance of every question.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 15, 16, 59, 58, 3, 196, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 7, 15, 16, 59, 0, 3, 196, 0], "tags": [{"term": "God listens; hearing God", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "silence", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual brokenness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "wisdom", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "waiting", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/07/heartache-of-echo.html", "title": "The Heartache of an Echo", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "I
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

\u201cWhere is God? ...Go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double-bolting on the inside. After that, silence.\u201d \u2013 C.S. Lewis, after the death of his wife.

I wonder if the slamming door echoed in the emptiness of the room in which he often sat alone playing his cards or eating syrup on bread? How long did the smile stay on his face?

How about Hearts instead, God? Deal me in.

\u201cWait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.\u201d -- Psalm 27:14

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. -- Proverbs 3:1-7

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. -- I Corinthians 1:25

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/kZxnhQy3eAc/heartache-of-echo.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-07-15T16:59:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "5", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-6719513302385333781"}, {"edited": "2010-07-08T19:42:35.035-07:00", "updated": "2010-07-08T19:42:35.035-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n
\n

\nIn the stillness of the night and the darkness of my room,
\nA tear teased at the corner of my eye.
\nAt the window through the curtains and beneath the silent moon
\nI once again addressed Him with my why?
\n
\nIn the brightness of the day in my room I sat and stared,
\nBroken, I allowed myself to cry.
\nBut the window in my mind said despite it all He cared
\nSo I once again addressed Him with my why?
\n
\nHe's so patient, so forbearing, yet in His truth unyielding,
\nAnd He doesn't turn away when I ask why.
\nThough it's often in His silence that He does His truth revealing
\nAs He quietly continues by my side.
\n
\n
\n

Are you broken? Let Me see.

He looked deep into my eyes.

I could feel that God was moving

And I knew He heard my cries.

\n
\n-- Thom Hunter
\n
\n
\nLife is full of firsts. First steps. First lost tooth. First birthday. First day at school. First car. First love. Somewhere in there is a first fall. We might not have seen it, but it happened. It probably felt more like a compromise than a fall, but it was a tumble nonetheless and, at least for the moment, it stretched the distance between ourselves and the Hand of God. We might not have even noticed the separation, and gone scrambling back like a toddler when he suddenly rebels against the freedom he so wanted and runs back into the outstretched arms. Restored to safety. It is well.
\n
\nI don't remember my first steps, tooth, birthday, day at school. I do remember my first car and I remember a first love, though the closest I came to her was kissing her through a screen door on her front porch. I ran as fast as I could and never approached that porch again. I've forgotten her name now; I was only about 10. Some firsts definitely deserve to fade.
\n
\nI do remember my first car. It was a 1960 Ford Falcon, bright red and purchased for $300, paid out at $25 a month. I was 15. In that first car, I discovered my first clutch. It never occurred to me when my boss dropped me off at the used car lot and drove away, that the car I had chosen -- based strictly on price -- was not an automatic like my mother's pink Buick. I had no idea how to drive it, and if I could have driven it all the way home in first gear, I would have. Even better, if someone had pulled up next to me and asked me to give it away to them, I would have.
\n
\nWhat I really needed, as I struggled to cross the town in a car with an unforgiving standard transmission and a very hard clutch was for someone to pull up beside me and say \"do you need some help there, young man?\" No honking horns or pointing fingers, no snickering, no rolling eyes. Just a little help, please.
\n
\nI had never been that flustered and frustrated and I had never so deeply failed. But I ground on home and, once it was in the driveway, the car shifted from \"stupid\" to \"stupendous.\"
\n
\nWhich leads me to the first fall. This is not the tumble-into-a-coffee-table-while-learning-to-walk type fall. No, I'm talking about a pre-meditated, pre-determined, pre-weighed, definitely-decided-upon headlong tumble into pit-like darkness. A pre-acknowledged clear and present \"I'm sinning\" moment. Not the \"we're all born in sin\" reality, but the reality that I, fully aware, totally conscious, of clear mind, chose to sin. Knew it, did it. Took a tiptoe into the winking wilderness that winds its way alongside the path to the abundant life. A daring and defiant detour into the shadows.
\n
\nConfessed and forgiven, I can spare you the details. Disappointed? Don't be. First falls are generally messy affairs; we brush ourselves off and look over the bruises and make vows. It takes a little practice to perfect our pursuit of sin, just as our pursuit of holiness. The two pursuits are often intermingled and can leave us famished in a land of plenty.
\n
\nIf we are not careful, we can confuse our detour with our destination. We can forget where we were headed in the first place when we took an off-ramp and rambled around in the hinterlands, avoiding for a bit the hithertoos. We need a good wake-up call in the form of a correcting come hither so we can we get back on the right road again and chart a course where the broken find abundance.
\n
\nThe devil is not just in the details; he's out on the detour, ready to strip the hubcaps off, tossing nails in the roadway. For the sexually-broken, he's lurking like a hitchhiker flashing whatever it takes to reel you off to the side of the road. Men and women addicted to pornography find free showings at the detour rest stop. For the men and women who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions he throws up seductive messages on the detour's billboards to take you further and further out of your way. For the lonely, he lowers the lights along the way to make life seem ever more grey and he closes the detour coffee shop just as you pull into the parking lot to make you ever more lonely and needy. He knows how to make you stray.
\n
\nThe thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.. \u2013 John 10:10
\n
\n

The devil sometimes has some strange accomplices, most of them unaware of how he uses them to complicate our finding our way back on track. These are the ones who, well meaning or not, cause us to shift our focus off of Christ and onto them, making us performers on a perfection path, they hold out rewards of righteousness if we can but prove our repentance to the point of relieving all their reservations about us. Christians can be so . . . un-Christian. Our pursuit of holiness can become a pursuit of approval: a detour.

I remember when I was past my darkest point of having been revealed as a double-minded sinner drowning in waves of uncontrolled temptation to act out in sexual sin. Having been through the fire of accusations and having run the gauntlet of public embarrassment, I was like a battered boat against the boulders of the jagged coast, barely holding together under the relentless waves of earned judgement. I was ready for restoration; determined to repent; thirsting for reconciliation.

\"You're not broken,\" they told me.

I could barely hear them, as my ears were worn from the accusations I had to hear repeated against me before my confession, still ringing from the recantation of my sinful reveling.

\"I'm not what?\"

\"You're not broken.\"

\"You can tell me that? I thought, looking at the pieces of me laying around the room. \"What does broken look like to you, if this is not broken?\"

\"We'll know it when we see it.\"

They never did. And maybe never will. It is unlikely I will do the brokenness approval dance, which is probably just as dangerous as the other disastrous dances we do throughout our lives for the approval of others, the price we pay here and there to open a door or gain access or achieve an image. Do you like me now? Do we really want forgiveness if it has to be earned and bestowed upon us like a title in a talent show? Detours.

I guess it really depends on where we want to go.

Jesus said to him, \"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. -- John 14:6.

That's the no-detour route. It doesn't meander through the why wilderness or the valley of confusion or the deeps of deceit. It's just truth. And life. And it isn't exclusionary. You don't fill out an application and go through an interview with the local approval committee to get a stamp of approval and a limited-use ticket. It's \"the\" way. He doesn't say there is anyone who cannot come; He just says there's only one way to get there. Just Him.

What I have discovered by trashing all the frequent-flyer miles earned by trying to prove myself pure enough for the approval of man is that the journey is lightened by the Light.

I have come as light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness. -- John 12:46.

I know the dark; I love the light. Sometimes we arrive at abundance through the great cost of loss. And yet, we can count it all joy. I wish I had never wandered, but I am more aware now than ever before at how determined He was to find me . . . even at the cost of His own life. He brought the dead back to life; He can direct the wayward out of a detour.

Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' -- Luke 15:4-6

That's me. A sheep who, rather than be tended, tended to detour. And that's Him . . . a Shepherd who does not give up on His own. Who doesn't stand at arm's length and say \"show me something,\" but instead picks me up, puts me across His shoulder and . . . rejoices. Wow . . . it's enough to keep you from detouring.

Wherever you've been . . . wherever you are . . . there is a place for you in the Kingdom of God. You won't have to prove your brokenness; He already knows.

God Bless,

Thom

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 8, 19, 42, 35, 3, 189, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 7, 8, 19, 42, 0, 3, 189, 0], "tags": [{"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual addiction", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "truth", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "brokenness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "pornography", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/07/walking-down-road-of-life.html", "title": "Walking Down the Road of Life", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n
\n

Are you broken? Let Me see.

He looked deep into my eyes.

I could feel that God was moving

And I knew He heard my cries.

\"You're not broken,\" they told me.

I could barely hear them, as my ears were worn from the accusations I had to hear repeated against me before my confession, still ringing from the recantation of my sinful reveling.

\"I'm not what?\"

\"You're not broken.\"

\"You can tell me that? I thought, looking at the pieces of me laying around the room. \"What does broken look like to you, if this is not broken?\"

\"We'll know it when we see it.\"

I guess it really depends on where we want to go.

Jesus said to him, \"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. -- John 14:6.

What I have discovered by trashing all the frequent-flyer miles earned by trying to prove myself pure enough for the approval of man is that the journey is lightened by the Light.

I have come as light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness. -- John 12:46.

Wherever you've been . . . wherever you are . . . there is a place for you in the Kingdom of God. You won't have to prove your brokenness; He already knows.

God Bless,

Thom

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/mSm6BTO3zkU/walking-down-road-of-life.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-07-08T19:42:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "2", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-8018593093583813597"}, {"edited": "2010-07-06T12:40:50.239-07:00", "updated": "2010-07-06T12:40:50.239-07:00", "subtitle": "

\n
\n
\n
\n

I got a better picture of who we're meant to be

When God revealed your soul to me.

Sometimes I wonder why we strive

Until I see you so alive.

\n

The way you search, the way you seek

Gives me more than just a peek

Because in you I begin to see

A part of what God can do in me

\n

The pain, the joy wrapped up in you

The things you share that you've been through

Remind me Christ is always there

No pain, no loss beyond His care.

\n

Thank you for the life you live

Thank you for the hope you give.

You thought you shared your words with me,

But God revealed your soul, you see.

\n

-- Thom Hunter

\nIf my personal life could divide neatly into decades, like we do with our cultural countdowns -- the '50s, the '60s, the '70s, the '80s, the '90s, the whatevers, the '10s -- I would have to say the 05s and beyond have been my period of Moving Forward . . . which also happened to be the theme for this year's Exodus International Freedom Conference.
\n
\nMoving Forward does not mean we leave all of everything behind. It means we toss aside the baggage that has weighed us down, stopped us in our tracks, set us on distracting detours . . . the junk that clutters the attic . . . the weeds that obscure the sidewalk . . . the shag carpet . . . the broken tools in the garage . . . the old letters in the box that spell out in detail the errors of the past.
\n
\nLightened up, we get to keep those good snapshots, meaningful memories and bright moments when we were on the track, before we somehow left the rails. And though we can Move Forward together, we don't have to come from the same place; we just have to have the same source of energy.
\n
\nOr . . . as Bob Hamp, director of Freedom Ministries, said at the Freedom Conference, we have to realize that God is always seeking to restore the factory settings. Make us like new again.
\n
\nI know the Exodus Conferences have been going on for 35 years, and I've only been to two . . . but I noticed a discernible difference between this one and just two years ago. One of us has matured: either my ears or the Exodus message. And I came away with greater hope for me and for others. Perhaps it was in the repetition of \"The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality; it is holiness.\" Or perhaps it was the reminder that freedom is not the absence of struggle, but is instead knowing that the struggle is not in vain.\"
\n
\nIf strugglers then, focus more on their holiness than on their sexuality, their sexual temptations become less a wallowing in guilt and more a sacrifice to holiness.
\n
\nSteve Payton, pastor of Stonegate Church in Midland, Texas, reminded me that \"God will only let his child run for so long and then He will draw you back.\" Granted, sometimes he draws us back out of a pretty deep ditch, enabling us drop the tool with which we are are digging ourselves in deeper.
\n
\nAnd while so many for so long have made it so clear that I have sinned, Payton gave me a new definition: \"Sin is me believing I can get on my own something better than what God is giving me.\" How many times have I praised God's loving generosity with one hand and longed for self-satisfaction with the other?
\n
\nUhh . . . sin.
\n
\nI wish every pastor in the country -- make that the world -- could hear Joe Dallas explain the differences between homosexual orientation . . . identity . . . and behavior. Orientation being involuntary, discovered. Behavior being what we do with that discovery via our free will. Identity sometimes foisted on us, sometimes embraced, but not who we really are. Not in God's created intent, but only in our fallen nature.
\n
\nSay it's so Joe: \"To be loved by God and approved by God are two different things.\" How many times have I felt God's love even in an unapproved state? And, if I had not felt that love when I could find none of my own for myself, and found it in scant supply in the community, how could I have yearned to turn?
\n
\nThematically, speaker after speaker spoke of the enduring love of God to brace those who are in ever-danger of falling. The personal thread of endurance ran through the conference, but it ran alongside the reality of the strong chord of God's grace.
\n
\nI loved the speakers and I could go on and on. Kathy Koch, founder of Celebrate Kids, Inc, can put more comfort and hope into truth than anyone I know, for instance. Mike Haley, from Focus on the Family and Mike Goeke, from Cross Power Ministries, shared testimonies that touched me because I can trace their victories in an alignment with my past and wrap myself in the fabric of realistic encouragement. Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, can map a battlefield with more clarity than a four-star general.
\n
\nBut . . . what did I really take home from the Exodus Freedom Conference that was most valuable to me? The resolve of those with whom I sat and shared a meal, or a conversation in a workshop or small group, or a brief exchange in a registration line. These open hearts and exposed souls who had come from all over the country and the world to seek . . . the holiness of which we speak. They are the ones who provide fuel for my own endurance because they are on the painful road to freedom for themselves or those they love.
\n
\nI won't use their real names here because they did not present themselves on a public podium, but their sharing endures.
\n
\nLike Elena, whose smile expressed the soul of an encourager. Her desire to love and understand the trapping temptations of a close friend back in her own country led her, as a young woman, to spend precious funds and a week among those who struggle with something that does not plague her . . . just so she could listen to her friend with a knowledgeable mind and a clearer heart. Elena will walk further now. Her friend will be blessed . . . as I was.
\n
\nOr, like James and Jessica . . . a young couple who came to attend because James' honest struggle with homosexuality is a challenge for them both . . . yes . . . for them both. By his side, loving him, encouraging him, listening with him, talking with him, walking with him. Learning. Yearning, Sharing. Caring. Having faith . . . together.
\n
\nThen there was Matthew. This one was sad . . . but this is often a sad journey before the joy tips the scales. Matthew learned just before he left for Exodus that his young wife was pregnant . . . and had decided to divorce him because of his struggle with homosexuality. He displayed the hopeful but hurting persona of the trodden down who forces himself to look up. He wants to be free; he hopes to hold on to the love of his life by relinquishing the burden of his sin.
\n
\nAnd I was touched by the optimism of a young man who spent his last dollar to come from Australia. He was stressed and worn by his travels and the expense, but so in pursuit of truth and so thankful to be among men and women who understood the drive behind his journey. To breathe new air. Not American air, but the air of grace, refreshing lungs exhausted by fear of being held forever outside of God's intent. He was taking in every word and taking it back home . . . to move forward.
\n
\nMy heart was touched by a former pastor and his wife. Embracing the reality of a deeply-hidden secret that, when revealed, cost him his church, he was open and transparent . . . and preparing to share with others the freedom he had found in the healing that only comes through persistent leaning on the arms of Christ. Although they had already been restored to the ministry and he had been pastoring a church again, they felt the call to leave it and become \"missionaries\" to the hopeful hurting in their midst. I was bolstered by the deep level of his trust in the Lord and the commitment of his wife to his new ministry, despite the rejection that lingers from those who once saw him as something else. Here they were . . . healed; called. And so anxious to share the news that many bury under the unnecessary weight of sin and guilt . . . not the intentions of God, but the inflictions of man.
\n
\nAnd then, perhaps most moving of all to me, was the testimony of Ted and Jan Schneider, directors of About H.O.P.E. -- Heal Our Pain El Shaddai.
\n
\nTed and Jan found themselves stunned years ago when their son revealed to them that he considered himself to be gay. They were not prepared; they knew not where to go or how to react. They loved their son; they knew God's word. Neither of those positions changed as the years passed and they endured in love. With tears, Jan told of the day when they received the call that their son had been killed in a car accident; their loss immeasurable; their hearts broken. And from this, Jan cried out to God to \"please not let this pain be wasted.\" God hears when the broken-hearted faithfully cry out and their ministry was born to help the families and friends of those involved in the homosexual lifestyle know how to live and breathe and love, to help parents understand and support through truthful compassion not tainted by compromise.
\n
\nFrom our losses He builds bridges.
\n
\nI need bridges.
\n
\nIn a world of ever-louder clanging confusion in the clash between culture and the church in this seemingly endless battle that has gripped the lives of so many and of those who love them, an Exodus Freedom Conference brings clarity. In worship and prayer, in study and sharing, in listening and in releasing, the struggler finds a security in the overwhelming evidence that God is indeed who He says He is and we are indeed who He says we are: His beloved.
\n
\nMore valuable than my notes are my hopes. Hopes for those who boarded planes and cars and traveled home to face the battle better-armed, on stronger legs with clearer minds and healing hearts, with memories of comfort and acceptance . . . and an openness to God based on a promise that God really . . . really knows us . . . and heals our broken hearts.
\n
\n
\n

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -- Psalm 139:14-16

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. -- Psalm 139:23

\nPerhaps the most difficult thing about going to an Exodus Freedom Conference is to look around and wonder . . . why? To wish, even in the bewilderment of your own struggle, to be able to explain to everyone else what theirs is all about so they could say \"Oh . . . now I see.\"
\n
\nBut as Kathy Koch said: \"God gives us promises; not explanations.\"
\n
\n

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, 'because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.' -- Jeremiah 30:17

\nHe does heal our wounds. I brought one other thing home with me from the Exodus Freedom Conference. My wife. I am so thankful that she loves me and that, through the grace of God, Lisa opened her eyes instead of closing her mind, extended the boundaries of her heart and placed her trust in Him above all others. God uses those who love us as powerful weapons in the struggle. As Joe Dallas shared: \"Healing in a marriage doesn't mean just healing the bad guy; it means healing the marriage.\"
\n
\nI hope you will pray with me that those who attended will indeed Move Forward. And that others will follow.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\nM2UT9HY4ND5C\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 7, 6, 12, 40, 50, 1, 187, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 7, 1, 17, 44, 0, 3, 182, 0], "tags": [{"term": "Inc.", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Exodus International", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Joe Dallas", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Celebrate Kids", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "addiction", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Alan Chambers", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Cross Power Ministries", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Focus on the Family", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Stonegate", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Freedom Ministries", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "freedom", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Mike Haley", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/07/what-i-brought-home-from-exodus-freedom.html", "title": "What I Brought Home from the Exodus Freedom Conference", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "

\n
\n
\n
\n

I got a better picture of who we're meant to be

When God revealed your soul to me.

Sometimes I wonder why we strive

Until I see you so alive.

\n

The way you search, the way you seek

Gives me more than just a peek

Because in you I begin to see

A part of what God can do in me

\n

The pain, the joy wrapped up in you

The things you share that you've been through

Remind me Christ is always there

No pain, no loss beyond His care.

\n

Thank you for the life you live

Thank you for the hope you give.

You thought you shared your words with me,

But God revealed your soul, you see.

\n

-- Thom Hunter

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -- Psalm 139:14-16

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. -- Psalm 139:23

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, 'because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.' -- Jeremiah 30:17

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/_2PgU3KYRww/what-i-brought-home-from-exodus-freedom.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-07-01T17:44:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "9", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-7894813725237072839"}, {"edited": "2010-06-28T12:42:45.555-07:00", "updated": "2010-06-28T12:42:45.555-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

Through love and truth, restored to stand, renewed and clean within,

My past forgiven, my present new, my future freed from secret sin,

I am at peace with where I am; forgiveness lets me breath again,

The dark is gone, the ropes untied, the light of grace has entered in.

\n

He set me free because He lives.

I am . . . I can . . . because . . . He is.

\n

But where I am is not enough; to linger in this peaceful place

Of solitude and healing, of redemption, cleansed through grace.

He asks and prods that those who change quicken then the pace

Of moving forward, not alone, but with others in the race.

\n

He set me free because He lives.

I am . . . I can . . . because . . . He is.

-- Thom Hunter

When I was a little boy in Texas, yearning for a summer snow cone . . . and broke, there was only one solution: Coke bottles. Well, not just Coke bottles, but Nehi grape bottles and 7-Up bottles and Big Red and Dr. Pepper. I'd start under the kitchen sink first and claim any I could find there. Then I would walk the neighborhood and the nearby park. Each bottle could be redeemed for a few cents at the U-Totem convenience store. Pick 'em up, haul 'em in, get your cash and spend it. A snow cone, some Sweet-Tarts, maybe even a Spiderman comic book on a good day.

Sometimes the discarded bottles would have spiders in them or be filled with dirt, or, even worse, might have been used by a tobacco-chewer for a spit receptacle. I never gave a lot of thought to the fact that, post-redemption, those same bottles would be filled again and back on the grocery shelves. Redeemed. Clean and clear and filled with purpose.

Some of the bottles I found, of course, were too chipped or cracked to be redeemed. They made good targets for a BB gun or, usually, just got tossed back down and left behind. Unredeemed. Beyond use now.

They were just bottles.

But what about people? Are we sifting through the discarded, searching for \"The Most Likely to Be Redeemed,\" like we did \"Most Likely to Succeed\" in high school? Do we vote with our eyes and actions, tossing aside a few that are just a little too broken to be of further use? Are we sealing someone's future because of the revealing of his past?

I have a past. Cracks and chips and broken pieces. Dirt.

When I am still and focused, I try to see that past as God sees it in his way of flowing time where past and present and future meld into just being. Where was and is and still to be are . . . one. And I see a little boy, a struggling teen, a stumbling man and . . . I know them. Indeed, when I try really hard to see all three as God does . . . I even like them. I see them in snapshots, first with an old black-and-white Polaroid, then a Kodachrome Kodak Instamatic, then in digital brilliance. A little boy with a burr . . . a kid with a cowlick . . . a teen with shaggy hair on his shoulders . . . a man with graying thinness. Snap . . . snap . . . blink.

Still, as Clarence, the angel in \"It's a Wonderful Life,\" said when focusing in on the face of good old George Bailey, said \"I like that face.\" Or, those faces, all mine. I like them now.

Still, love them as I do, I find myself, when viewing through the continuum of time and memory, wanting to warn them . . . to say a lot of \"don'ts.\" To freeze the frame. To reach down and turn them like a plastic piece on a game board. It hurts to see where they are heading, but I cannot intervene. I think I understand a little bit how God must grieve.

Don't go there.

Don't do that.

Don't open that door.

Don't close that door.

Don't tell that lie.

Don't believe that lie.

Don't say hello.

Don't say goodbye.

Don't think that.

Don't want that.

Don't refuse that.

Don't hide.

Don't run away.

Don't cry.

And the flash goes off and another moment passes, perhaps another self-inflicted crack or a chip here and there, the dents of desperate and deliberate decisions. Trending toward empty, bordering on discarded, left in hope of redemption. Wondering at my worth.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:6-8

I am so valuable, not because of myself, but only because God considers me so. I am so redeemed.

But what of this trail of sin, so easily traced? Regardless of the reasons we sin, we sin. Yes, I was abandoned by my father, sexually-abused as a boy, a wandering and needy easy target for fellow sexual sinners. But, the scarlet sins that grew from this fertile soil were tended by my own hand. The regret and the remorse are the fruits of my own weakness.

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.\" -- Mark 14:38.

Too little watching, too little praying, way too much falling. I'm responsible.

But, regret and remorse morph into redeemed and restored in the hands of a God who does more than trace that trail. He sweeps it clean. He establishes a new one. And He walks it with us.

No, He runs. If we run.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -- Hebrews 12:1-3.

Believe me . . . witnesses surround me. And there are encumbrances and sins. And they have entangled. But . . . God says to lay those things aside. God says to run with endurance, which means it was never going to be easy. God says to fix our eyes on Jesus, which means we can ignore the tempting scenery that flashes by as we head for the finish line.

I am sorry that Jesus endured my shame and I am in awe that He did so with joy, despite the fact He despised it. He endured it . . . so I could also. So that I would not grow weary. So I would not lose heart.

So I can finish.

And He provides help, in the form of fellow runners who help set the pace and in the form of those who cheer the progress of those who run.

One of my favorite camera views of televised marathons are of the outstretched hands along the way that hold forth a paper cup of water. The runner grabs it almost without pause, gulps it down, drops the cup on the road and keeps running. Even saying thanks at that point consumes too much energy, so the appreciation is silence and a renewed stamina to finish the race. And the person on the sidelines cheers and knows he helped provide the endurance.

Sometimes we are the runner, wondering how much further we have to go before we can collapse on the ground and breath deeply of the clarity of completion. Sometimes we are the one who stands and offers a taste of the living water that rushes through and replenishes the rebellious body. Either way, we are in this together . . . and we can finish well. If we don't lose heart. If we do not grow weary.

Sadly, some people in your life will choose to be a stumbling-block rather than a water-bearer. Fix your eyes on Jesus. They're hurdles and He will help you jump. We will all come to the end of the race at some point. Which face will you wear? One of regret or one of restoration?

We are all so valuable. We are so redeemed.

Don't stop.

Finish.

God Bless,

Thom

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 6, 28, 12, 42, 45, 0, 179, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 6, 28, 12, 42, 0, 0, 179, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "restoration", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual struggle", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Finishing the Race", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "redemption", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/06/which-face-will-finish-race.html", "title": "Which Face will Finish the Race?", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

Through love and truth, restored to stand, renewed and clean within,

My past forgiven, my present new, my future freed from secret sin,

I am at peace with where I am; forgiveness lets me breath again,

The dark is gone, the ropes untied, the light of grace has entered in.

\n

He set me free because He lives.

I am . . . I can . . . because . . . He is.

\n

But where I am is not enough; to linger in this peaceful place

Of solitude and healing, of redemption, cleansed through grace.

He asks and prods that those who change quicken then the pace

Of moving forward, not alone, but with others in the race.

\n

He set me free because He lives.

I am . . . I can . . . because . . . He is.

-- Thom Hunter

They were just bottles.

I have a past. Cracks and chips and broken pieces. Dirt.

Still, as Clarence, the angel in \"It's a Wonderful Life,\" said when focusing in on the face of good old George Bailey, said \"I like that face.\" Or, those faces, all mine. I like them now.

Don't go there.

Don't do that.

Don't open that door.

Don't close that door.

Don't tell that lie.

Don't believe that lie.

Don't say hello.

Don't say goodbye.

Don't think that.

Don't want that.

Don't refuse that.

Don't hide.

Don't run away.

Don't cry.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:6-8

I am so valuable, not because of myself, but only because God considers me so. I am so redeemed.

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.\" -- Mark 14:38.

Too little watching, too little praying, way too much falling. I'm responsible.

But, regret and remorse morph into redeemed and restored in the hands of a God who does more than trace that trail. He sweeps it clean. He establishes a new one. And He walks it with us.

No, He runs. If we run.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -- Hebrews 12:1-3.

So I can finish.

And He provides help, in the form of fellow runners who help set the pace and in the form of those who cheer the progress of those who run.

We are all so valuable. We are so redeemed.

Don't stop.

Finish.

God Bless,

Thom

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/v99nAJAj_hs/which-face-will-finish-race.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-06-28T12:42:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "5", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-8143937270037855551"}, {"edited": "2010-06-18T11:11:09.624-07:00", "updated": "2010-06-18T11:11:09.624-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\nI asked you what was wrong with me
\n\"Nothing,\" you said, that you could see.
\n\"Just be what you were meant to be.\"
\nAnd that's supposed to set me free?
\n
\n\"But this feels wrong,\" I answered back.
\n\"Somehow I just seem off track.\"
\n\"You're fine,\" you said, with gentle tact
\n\"Your feelings are just out of whack.\"
\n
\n\"Don't carry 'round your guilt that way.
\n\"We're living in a brand new day.
\n\"There's no more need to self betray,
\n\"Don't give self-judgement so much sway.
\n
\nBut what of God? He sees inside
\nSurely He won't just let me hide,
\nWith self and pride so justified
\nAnd truth and grace so well denied?
\n
\nYou answered back with a practiced glow
\n\"Just drop this sadness, discard that woe,
\n\"Accept yourself, just bloom and grow.
\n\"After all, God loves you too, you know.\"
\n
\nAnd a bit of truth slipped from you to me,
\n\"God's love is what will see me free!\"
\nFrom what I was to what I'll be.
\nFor God's compassion won't lie to me. -- Thom Hunter
\n
\nOutside my window this morning, life is fluttering by. Literally. In the past few moments, a graceful, floating butterfly and a determined and focused red wasp have been gliding about just beyond the window screen. Both of them on a mission. Pollination, sweet nectar, a bitter sting. A mix of beauty and a bit of bite.
\n
\nSome mornings we want a butterfly to lull us into peaceful bliss. Some days we deserve -- and need -- a sting to bring us directly into contact with the reality of pain. Sometimes when we want to follow the lazy butterfly down the garden path, we should be dashing down a trail swatting away at a yellowjacket, confronting the reality that life bites more often than hope floats.
\n
\nI have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I have been favored by a rationing of compassion, resulting in a reasonable rationality of reality. For the most part, my problems indeed turned out to be real problems for me and many others . . . which in the long run leads me to seek real solutions. Of course, that \"long run\" has been much longer than I would have ever thought my mind and heart and soul could survive, and it surpassed the limits of others. But guess what? The perilous points of rest along the way were punctuated with real compassion . . . the love that God provides for the endurance of those who run the race instead of forsaking the pace.
\n
\nTruly I have experienced the mean-ness of compassion. That borderline compassion that feels so hateful at the time, like the sting of a wayward wasp, who sits for a second on your bare arm, inflicts his pain and flits away leaving heat and swelling, redness and itching. That's wrong . . . and it's why aerosol sprays were invented, so you can respond in justified wrath. Sometimes, when those who claim to represent God inflict \"compassion\" in ways of pain and flitting, they need to be shot down so they don't just fly around stinging others.
\n
\nI have also experienced what seems to be the coldness of compassion. Zapped by truth in its most freezing and paralyzing form, left to drift and die on an iceberg in view of those who sip their drinks on the balcony of passing ships and point at me as I become smaller and smaller as the distance between us grows. They may be cruising on their own Titanic, but no one may know 'till the iceberg comes to view.
\n
\nLest this be seen as merely a meandering of woe is me, I have also experienced the compassion that is real and warm to the touch. A compassion that does not depend on determined distance but on intended closeness. Not on separation, but on walking with. I am amazed at the beauty and grace that some exhibit, pouring out in an immeasurable and constant flow the compassion that comes from an unlimited source. They heard and learned of God's truth and refuse to let the world's definition of it divide it into meaningless portions.
\n
\nMaybe it takes a mix of compassion. Even the bitterness of detachment can be motivating. Perhaps the experiences we have of being cast aside and tossed away by those who discriminate not between sin and sinner, teaches us great things not only about consequence and condemnation, but also builds our own commitment to convey compassion that is not contorted. I find myself feeling compassion for those who have abused it; those who banged people about the head with love in the name of holy correction. I pity them because they share this world and when they fall, they will want to sample a compassion that rises far above what they themselves have shared.
\n
\nBut who do I really feel sorry for? I feel sorry for those who have suffered and cried and were not told that Christ had suffered and died so they could be freed from that. I feel sorry for those who have been drowned in the gushing carelessness of a compassion that tells them that they don't have to change, they don't have to address sin so they can swim in the cleansing lake of grace and emerge on the banks of freedom to walk free of the weight of who they were.
\n
\nThe harshness of \"hate the sin, love the sinner,\" has, in the compassionate minds of the misguided, dissolved into a hollow \"I love you just the way you are.\" No . . . you don't. If you really love them the way they are, you'll help them be what God intended them to be. I am so saddened for the young men and women whose parents, in selfishness, embrace their giving in to temptation so they can still have Sunday lunch and smile and pass the peas. Careless compassion causes us to place happiness above healing . . . and we have not because we ask not. The carelessly compassionate Christian prays for a perverted peace and discovers turmoil; proclaims acceptance and smothers a deeper and honest desire for change in the ones we love. This is not happiness; this is not healing; this is not helping.
\n
\nDoes it sound like I am not compassionate? Should we pick up a drunk on the sidewalk and help him back into the bar so he won't think we are judging him? Should we pause to tell a prostitute she might look prettier in a brighter shade of pink? Should we stock a few essentials in the cabinet for the visiting addict to cook his meth? Should we give a list of topics for the local church gossip to make her job easier? Look the other way when cheaters get a little careless so they won't get uncomfortable when revealed? We may as well paint a bullseye on our shoulder to make it easier for the wasp to zero in.
\n
\nCareless compassion can be as dangerous as not caring at all. I never wanted anyone to tell me that my sexual brokenness was just a cause for celebration. Unfaithfulness is unfaithfulness. Sin is sin. Lust is lust. Betrayal is betrayal. Deception is lying. Knowing God's Word and doing one's own will is willfully defying.
\n
\nWandering is wandering. If we're lost in a desert and we have a choice between a determined guide who knows his way out or a jovial, smiling and funny \"it'll be okay, we'll find our way\" sympathetic soul to walk with us until we drop in thirst upon the barren sand . . . who should we choose? I don't know about you, but I wanted out.
\n
\nSome have not gone with me. Some may never believe I found an oasis and drank. Some are still back there at the edge of the desert telling the slowly-dehydrating that they'll be fine. \"Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.\" Others are standing at the same edge and saying \"you deserve it. The buzzards will be here soon.\"
\n

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -- Matthew 9:35-36

Don't mislead me; don't leave me.
\n
\nCompassion is a gift from God that we can corrupt like everything else He gives us. Oh . . . but when it is presented in its perfect form, what healing takes place, what joy abounds, what grace flows and what beauty springs forth from the dry desert, shocking those who view it, like a brilliant and seemingly fragile butterfly that pauses on a morning glory. Imagine, that little fluttering thing that looks like tissue paper in flight can cross the continent and return again. It looks weak, but it is strong because it has learned to manage the currents and soar.
\n
\nThis past week at the Southern Baptist Convention, I looked into the eyes of Christian parents seeking direction on how to love their children who are falling prey to the lies Satan is spinning at an ever-more-furious pace and which the world is reproducing and portraying in an ever-more-attractive display. How do we love those who are drowning in proud deception? How do we keep them close and yet speak a truth that often makes them want to expand the distance?
\n
\nWith compassion.
\n
\nTo love them less with this sin is a betrayal. We all sin in one form or another from the day we enter this world. Self-centeredness can take some nasty forms, but it is still that: seeking the satisfaction of the self. Our response is to be compassionate and giving of self.
\n
\nIn retrospect, reviewing the years of dog-paddling in my pool of sin, I realize I would only reach out to take the hand of ones who could see me as I am -- created like them in the image of God -- and accept me there with the compassion not of \"love the sinner, hate the sin,\" but of \"I love who you are as a child of God.\" These are the ones who went beyond tossing a vinyl ring with verses printed on it so I could ponder as I tooled around in the pool. They had no fear of the water. These are the ones who helped me out and showed me a stroke that does more than just keep your head above water, but actually moves you toward the side. They put more value on me than they did my sin. By showing me the value of me, they helped diminish the value of the sin onto which I held in my distress and it became less and less of a lifesaver as it became less and less of my life.
\n
\n

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. -- Lamentations 3:21-22

True compassion is not compromised. Compassion, God's truth, love and hope are intertwined like a strong and trusty rope. Remove one and we are in danger of descending back into the mire. Of being re-consumed.
\n
\nPractice \"true\" compassion. It's a life-saving skill.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 6, 18, 11, 11, 9, 4, 169, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 6, 18, 11, 11, 0, 4, 169, 0], "tags": [{"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "healing", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "compassion", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/06/consequences-of-careless-compassion.html", "title": "The Consequences of Careless Compassion", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -- Matthew 9:35-36

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. -- Lamentations 3:21-22

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/QtQh6TRW8_8/consequences-of-careless-compassion.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-06-18T11:11:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "10", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-8236999813096601317"}, {"edited": "2010-06-10T11:47:52.752-07:00", "updated": "2010-06-10T11:47:52.752-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\n

It\u2019s okay to question why.

It\u2019s okay to even cry.

Don\u2019t ever hesitate to try.

God will answer; He won\u2019t lie.

There\u2019s no answer He won\u2019t know.

There\u2019s no place He will not go.

There\u2019s no path He will not show.

God will answer; He loves you so.

No question lies within your mind.

That God cannot in love unwind.

That\u2019s how we\u2019ve all been so designed.

To seek from Him what we can\u2019t find.

In His answers lies our peace.

In His words, we find release.

Our search can end, our troubles cease.

It all begins with show me . . . please.

It\u2019s okay to question why.

It\u2019s okay to even cry.

Don\u2019t ever hesitate to try,

God will answer every sigh. -- Thom Hunter

\n
\nI remembered a \"why\" the other day that I wanted once to ask my Dad when I was just a little boy. It had to do with frogs, and it remains unanswered. Curious, like all children, I was filled with \"why\" questions. In this particular instance, it had to do with frogs because we had been out gigging frogs on a Texas pond in the dark mosquito-clouded night. The frogs were croaking like crazy and easy to trace down and stab to provide for tomorrow's fried frog leg breakfast.
\n
\nI wanted to know why they were croaking so loud when they knew we were coming after them in the boat. And I wanted to know why there was no-where for them to go but this pond . . . or the frying pan. Why didn't they climb up the banks and go over the hill and hop along to a different pond, a safer place?
\n
\nI think instead that I asked Daddy why there were more stars in the country sky than in the city . . . and I'm pretty sure he answered that one. But the frogs remained a mystery, drifting into the memory of a million \"why?s\" I never got to ask. I probably yawned and scratched a bite or two and we went to shore and left the why of the frog behind on a crowded lilly pad.
\n
\nIf I had a million for my dad . . . can you imagine the gazillions that drift heavenward? How many times must God have heard \"Why, God?\"
\n
\nWhy me?
\nWhy this?
\nWhy not?
\nWhy won't they?
\nWhy confess?
\nWhy change?
\nWhy repent?
\nWhy is it still here?
\nWhy again?
\nWhy haven't you?
\nWhy haven't they?
\nWhy haven't I?
\nWhy try?
\nWhy resist?
\nWhy flee?
\nWhy . . . why?
\nWhy, God?
\n
\nI had five children. They wanted to know why. Why can't we go there? Why do we have to go here? Why can't I have this? Why do I have to have that? Why doesn't it work? Why can't we afford it? Why do the leaves fall?
\n
\nWhy did you? Fall.
\n
\nSometimes when they were little, after an exhausting round of explaining why this and why that, the eventual bottom-line would be reached: \"Because I said so.\"
\n
\nGod does the same thing sometimes. He says \"Be still . . . and know that I am God.\" I think that's a lot like \"Because I said so.\"
\n
\nSometimes we take really good care of our \"why?s\" We build fences and haul in feed and water and brush the coats and protect them like our favorite pets. \"This one is not getting loose. I kinda' like 'why me?' My favorite.\"
\n
\nAnd God says, \"Be still.\"
\n
\nBut what about this why and that why?
\n
\n\"Be still.\"
\n
\nObviously God has always known of our propensity to find the nearest slippery slope and try it out like some new ride at Six Flags, ready to give it a rating at the end of the track. Man . . . that was fast, that was bumpy, that was quite a ride . . . awesome experience . . . freaky . . . deadly.
\n
\n\"Be still.\"
\n
\nBut God . . . when I am still, my mind is filled to overflowing with \"why?s.\" I need to keep moving. At least when I'm on the slope I don't have to figure out all those answers to all those \"why?s.\"
\n
\n\"And know that I am God.\"
\n
\nWhen my children would not give up on asking all their \"whys\" to wear me down, I usually responded with a distracting promise: \"Want a cookie?\" I think today's parents probably pop in a video. Same thing. Distract. Deflect. Divide and conquer.
\n
\nGod says, \"Know that I am God.\" He doesn't deflect or distract; He draws us right in to Him and reminds us He knows the answer to every why. And every \"why me?\" He knows me better than I know myself so when it comes to trusting and obeying, it really makes no sense to ask \"why?\" But, I do.
\n
\nThere's really only one answer. For God's glory. Why me? For God's glory. Why now? For God's glory. Why not? For God's glory. Why confess? For God's glory. Why repent? For God's Glory.
\n
\nBut there's a few nagging \"why?s\" that surely tempt God to want to just lean across the seat and say \"Want a cookie?\"
\n
\nNot God.
\n
\nWhat about the \"why again?\" Answer: because you haven't transformed your mind.
\n
\n

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will. -- Romans 12:2

\nWhat about the \"why won't they forgive?\" Answer: \"Forgive them. And wait.\"
\n
\n

Then Peter came and said to Him, \"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?\" Jesus said to him, \"I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. -- Matthew 18:21-22

What about \"why is 'it' still here?\" or \"why haven't You?\" Answer: \"My grace is sufficient.\"
\n
\n

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, \"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.\" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

\nI guess we could even ask \"why so many why?s.\" Why does God put up with all this?
\n
\nI remember when I was in various art classes in my early years. I tried leather and bought a wallet kit. Every time I would strike the tool with the mallet that was supposed to impress a neat capital \"T\" and \"H\" on my western wallet, the mallet would bounce and the lettering would look like stuttering. Very unintentionally artistic. I just wanted to toss the wallet in the scrap heap. I tried to make a bowl once out of clay and I was inclined to curse all potters as instruments of the devil. I saw two choices with my bowl: toss it back into the mud while it was still wet or toss it onto the floor after it dried. There's clearly a reason I was not called to be the creator of the universe.
\n
\nAnd here we look at a world wrapped in ungrateful \"why?s\" with the scary knowledge that He created everything that is by just speaking it into existence. \"Be\" and it was. \"Be not\" and it could be like a mis-shaped brittle bowl tossed onto a concrete floor, pieces flying to the four walls.
\n
\nWhy not?
\n
\nBecause He loves me. And He loves you. And he would rather answer the \"why?s\" by slowly unwrapping the chains and setting us free a heartbeat at a time through His unending love and amazing grace until we see ourselves unencumbered and standing free . . . and asking \"why?\"
\n
\nBecause He loves. In all the good things He gives me and for all the bad things through which He sees me, He loves me. And as much as I sometimes hate this world that seems determined to hunt me down and pierce my soul with \"why?s,\" I have to remember . . .
\n
\n

\"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.\" -- John 3:16.

I ask why and instead of a cookie, He gives me His son. Why would I ever think it was not enough?
\n
\nWhy?
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 6, 10, 11, 47, 52, 3, 161, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 6, 10, 11, 47, 0, 3, 161, 0], "tags": [{"term": "trust", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "peace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "relationships", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "truth", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/06/proper-care-and-feeding-of-why.html", "title": "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Why?", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

\n
\n

It\u2019s okay to question why.

It\u2019s okay to even cry.

Don\u2019t ever hesitate to try.

God will answer; He won\u2019t lie.

There\u2019s no answer He won\u2019t know.

There\u2019s no place He will not go.

There\u2019s no path He will not show.

God will answer; He loves you so.

No question lies within your mind.

That God cannot in love unwind.

That\u2019s how we\u2019ve all been so designed.

To seek from Him what we can\u2019t find.

In His answers lies our peace.

In His words, we find release.

Our search can end, our troubles cease.

It all begins with show me . . . please.

It\u2019s okay to question why.

It\u2019s okay to even cry.

Don\u2019t ever hesitate to try,

God will answer every sigh. -- Thom Hunter

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will. -- Romans 12:2

\nWhat about the \"why won't they forgive?\" Answer: \"Forgive them. And wait.\"
\n
\n

Then Peter came and said to Him, \"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?\" Jesus said to him, \"I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. -- Matthew 18:21-22

What about \"why is 'it' still here?\" or \"why haven't You?\" Answer: \"My grace is sufficient.\"
\n
\n

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, \"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.\" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

\"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.\" -- John 3:16.

I ask why and instead of a cookie, He gives me His son. Why would I ever think it was not enough?
\n
\nWhy?
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n\n

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/eYsY5WQoAu4/proper-care-and-feeding-of-why.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-06-10T11:47:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "1", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-1836430340215061190"}, {"edited": "2010-06-03T13:35:16.636-07:00", "updated": "2010-06-03T13:35:16.636-07:00", "subtitle": "
\nEmpty and Beautiful -- Matt Maher
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n

He wants to get his life together; he knows there\u2019s something more,

If he can leave the land of Looking Back and the tempting treasures stored.

But in every trip through Looking Back are the things he can't ignore,

And the dust and decay of yesterday are his lookin' back reward.

Take this key; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and leave the falls; use this map to keep on track.

Take my hand, lean on me; give me yours, there is more

Than the dust and decay of the wandering way through the Land of Looking Back.

The man who travels through Looking Back seems determined to lose his way

With the key in his pocket and the map in his mind and the question in his soul.

Yet the guide who is able, the One who is worthy could end this constant stray,

The arm on his shoulder, the hand on his heart; He's already paid his toll.

The key the man carries just makes it so easy for Looking Back to look like home.

And the map in his mind makes the journey so easy there\u2019s no reason not to go.

For the home is so cozy, the shadows so cool, it\u2019s a comfortable route to roam,

But the arm on his shoulder and the hand on his heart is faithfully telling him no.

Take this key; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and leave the falls; Here\u2019s a map to keep on track.

Take my hand, lean on me; give me yours, there is more

Than the dust and decay of the wandering way through the Land of Looking Back.

The Looking Back man looks out and looks in; He\u2019s not looking up and praying,

The windows are cracked and the door dark and black, beckoning as before.

With a trembling hand, he locks the drawer where the pain of his past is laying,

With a glance back behind and a turn to the front, he is looking for a different door.

In his hand is a key, not rusted or bent, to a door at the end of the hall.

It is new and unbroken, finished out with fresh paint, with a window that lets in the light.

With new key in hand, but the map in his mind still daring the walker to stall,

He takes the arm of the One who has promised forever to end his fight.

Take my will; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and the falls; Here\u2019s a map; there's the track.

Leave the dust and decay, let me clean and restore,

When we go through that door, there\u2019s no going back to the land of Looking Back.

-- Thom Hunter

\nWhen I was in my final days of elementary school, I would travel each morning and afternoon through the neighborhoods of Houston on a crowded school bus, sitting silently by a window, surrounded by laughing and shouting classmates . . . and I would study the yards of the homes by which we passed. Through familiarity, the neighborhoods would sort into the dids and didn'ts. Those who mowed regularly and edged and trimmed and those who didn't. Those who cleared the clutter and those who kept the clutter around them like comfort. With only a passing glance, it would have been just a neighborhood, but viewing each side of the street once a day . . . it distinguished itself into a long row of families in various stages of discipline or disarray.
\n
\nI became familiar, most of all, with the \"yard art.\" The cedar wheelbarrow planters . . . the bird baths . . . and the wishing wells. Even these would demonstrate the conditions of their owners. Some planters would be regularly re-finished and ablaze with colorful pansies and begonias; others were fading away and tilting forward under the weight of dying weeds and branches that had fallen from untrimmed trees. Some bird baths were dusty and dry; others overflowed with cool clear water in which birds ducked and dived or sat on the side and shared their melodies.
\n
\nThe wishing wells? They weren't \"wells\" at all of course, but just painted planks of boards and little shingled roofs assembled in garages by men with a little spare time to think while creating a gift for their wives from tools and saws collected over the years of Fathers Days. They had followed the directions and finished the project. Some of the wells -- those of the dids -- were painted and had little buckets on ropes that went no-where but seemed like they would. The others -- those of the didn'ts -- faded and leaned and developed rotting spots and cracks and were surrounded by tall grass.
\n
\nI don't think, in the 5th grade, that I considered whether the conditions of the ornaments in the yards reflected anything about the people behind the doors of the homes. I lived in an apartment and our yard art was limited to a wind chime in the spring and summer and a Christmas wreath in winter, a golden thing made from old IBM punch cards, folded and spray-painted and decorated with plastic berries. Neither the chime nor the wreath said much to anyone about what went on behind the door.
\n
\nA few weeks ago, one of May's 60 Oklahoma tornadoes passed through a couple of miles away and took direct aim on a wishing well I have driven past a thousand times. The owner of the home had, the morning after, run about his yard and picked up all the broken boards and scattered shingles, the frayed rope and the little bucket and piled it in his yard. A shrine to all the wishes blown away by the wayward and uncaring wind? A dead circle in the yard revealed the hard dirt and discolored Bermuda grass that had been the bottom of the \"well,\" a places where wishes would have landed with a thud.
\n
\nWhatever wishes had been cast into the well were about as effective as those we toss with our coins into fountains in the park, or sling into the night sky to welcome the first star we see, or silently offer before we blow out the candles on our cake. If wishing could make it so, a lot less wind would blow.
\n
\nSo many of our wishes are backward-aimed. I wish this had not happened. I wish this had. Our looking-back puts brakes on our moving forward. Our defective past drowns our effective future. Our didn'ts disable our dos.
\n
\nSometimes we think we want it like it was back then because it was easier. Deception provides a cushion from the truth. For the truth is that in almost all cases, the plans He has laid out for us are so much better than the ones we carved through the wilderness when we made our own way. It just looks better when we look back because at least we recognize it. Kind of like that comfortable recliner in a living room that we would recognize as a total mess in someone else's home. It fits and we like it, but it probably needs to be tossed.
\n
\n

By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah\u2014from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities\u2014and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. -- Genesis 19:23-26

\nYikes. Salt? Longing for the Land of Looking Back, she paused and becomes a pillar and then, due to those wayward winds again, a spreading of particles on the plains.
\n
\nI think it must really frustrate God when He gives us new plans and we keep looking back in yearning. That is, if God becomes frustrated. After all, He is in control. But surely He shakes his head when we toss a penny whimsically in a wishing well instead of casting all our cares in prayer.
\n
\nI met with someone I love the other day in pursuit of restoring a relationship destroyed by my deception. We shared lunch and some silence punctuated by a pinch of promise and a small heaping of hope. But . . . it was the looking back that hurt.
\n
\n\"I wish things weren't as they were.\"
\n
\nThat's what he said before parting. I wish I did not wonder what he meant. I wish he had not tangled all of life into this curious mixture of tenses, a mishmash of past and present. What does it mean: \"I wish things weren't as they were?\" I'm caught up first in the impotency of wishes. Strike that word altogether. Then there is the \"weren't.\" That's the looking back. Add the \"were,\" but say it with the look of present tense in the eyes and the small heaping of hope is whisked off the table like a few scattered grains of spilled salt.
\n
\nLooking back. We look back and we say because it was, it is. Why not say. . . \"I pray that things aren't as they were.\" Take away the wish . . . adjust the tense . . . and fate becomes faith. Looking back becomes moving forward. Old habits become foreign to new creatures.
\n
\n

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. -- 2 Corinthians 5:17-19

\nWhy is is that some of the most oft-quoted verses are given such short-shrift in belief? That verse is not just a little heaping of hope. It says \"anyone.\" It says \"new\" It says it is \"from God.\" It says \"reconciled.\" It says \"not counting men's sins against them.\" And it says it is all about Christ.
\n
\nYou mean . . . it's not about me? It's not about what I did? Didn't?
\n
\nNo. It is about Christ.
\n
\nYou mean it's not about going back and cleaning up all the messes? Putting the wishing well back together? Planting the wheelbarrow with pretty flowers?
\n
\nNo. It's about Christ.
\n
\n
\n

He who was seated on the throne said, \"I am making everything new!\" Then he said, \"Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.\" He said to me: \"It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.\" -- Revelation 21:5-7

\nEverything?
\n
\nDrink without cost?
\n
\nInherit through overcoming?
\n
\nHis son?
\n
\nSo . . . it's not all about me . . . but it is all about me. At least all about His love for me and His desire for me to overcome and be His son.
\n
\nI know we have to look back for the purpose of confessing what we've done and reconciling what was done to us, so we can repent of what we did and what we did in response. But, if all we do is look back, we aren't confessing; we're not repenting and we're surely not overcoming. And we find ourselves wishing \"things weren't as they were,\" instead of rejoicing that things are as they are.
\n
\nLearning from the past is good. But just like I never again want to be a 5th grader cruising Houston neighborhoods on a crowded yellow bus . . . I don't want to cruise the Land of Looking Back. It is a land filled with broken cedar wheelbarrows, decaying wishing wells and drought-stricken songless birdbaths. The yard art in the Land of Looking Back succumbed long ago to the wicked weeds of remembered deeds.
\n
\nOne of the hardest things to resist is sticking a thumb out in the wind when those around us whizz by on their way to take another trip through our Looking Back. We may not be able to convince them to put down the maps and cancel the tour, but we don't have to go along or volunteer to serve as the guide. We can wish -- strike that -- pray that one of these days they will realize we've moved.
\n
\nThe old has gone.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 6, 3, 13, 35, 16, 3, 154, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 6, 3, 13, 21, 0, 3, 154, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Lot's wife", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Exodus", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "restoration", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "mercy", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "truth", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "addiction", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "redemption", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Grace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/06/leaving-land-of-looking-back.html", "title": "Leaving the Land of Looking Back", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\nEmpty and Beautiful -- Matt Maher
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n

He wants to get his life together; he knows there\u2019s something more,

If he can leave the land of Looking Back and the tempting treasures stored.

But in every trip through Looking Back are the things he can't ignore,

And the dust and decay of yesterday are his lookin' back reward.

Take this key; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and leave the falls; use this map to keep on track.

Take my hand, lean on me; give me yours, there is more

Than the dust and decay of the wandering way through the Land of Looking Back.

The man who travels through Looking Back seems determined to lose his way

With the key in his pocket and the map in his mind and the question in his soul.

Yet the guide who is able, the One who is worthy could end this constant stray,

The arm on his shoulder, the hand on his heart; He's already paid his toll.

The key the man carries just makes it so easy for Looking Back to look like home.

And the map in his mind makes the journey so easy there\u2019s no reason not to go.

For the home is so cozy, the shadows so cool, it\u2019s a comfortable route to roam,

But the arm on his shoulder and the hand on his heart is faithfully telling him no.

Take this key; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and leave the falls; Here\u2019s a map to keep on track.

Take my hand, lean on me; give me yours, there is more

Than the dust and decay of the wandering way through the Land of Looking Back.

The Looking Back man looks out and looks in; He\u2019s not looking up and praying,

The windows are cracked and the door dark and black, beckoning as before.

With a trembling hand, he locks the drawer where the pain of his past is laying,

With a glance back behind and a turn to the front, he is looking for a different door.

In his hand is a key, not rusted or bent, to a door at the end of the hall.

It is new and unbroken, finished out with fresh paint, with a window that lets in the light.

With new key in hand, but the map in his mind still daring the walker to stall,

He takes the arm of the One who has promised forever to end his fight.

Take my will; give me yours; We\u2019re going out that door.

Leave the halls and the falls; Here\u2019s a map; there's the track.

Leave the dust and decay, let me clean and restore,

When we go through that door, there\u2019s no going back to the land of Looking Back.

-- Thom Hunter

By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah\u2014from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities\u2014and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. -- Genesis 19:23-26

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. -- 2 Corinthians 5:17-19

He who was seated on the throne said, \"I am making everything new!\" Then he said, \"Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.\" He said to me: \"It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.\" -- Revelation 21:5-7

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/kiJ-fMTSQGE/leaving-land-of-looking-back.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-06-03T13:21:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "6", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-1729252760656416931"}, {"edited": "2010-05-27T13:22:01.543-07:00", "updated": "2010-05-27T13:22:01.543-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

'Why have you despised the word of the Lord by doing evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the sons of Ammon. -- 2 Samuel 12:9

Those words were spoken by Nathan at the request of the Lord to directly rebuke King David, forbearer of Jesus Christ, declared him guilty of lying, adultery and murder. A boatload of clearly-earned guilt for which he deserved to die.
\n
\nSome people do.
\n
\nI think guilt may have killed my father. Not specific guilt for a specific action . . . but just the guilt of not being all he could have been, for not making more of himself, for not rising above, climbing higher, grasping the golden ring, for not meeting the expectations of others or even of himself. I used to think it was alcohol, but now I believe it may have been guilt. Not guilt over alcohol, but just plain old guilt. That \"not-good-enough\" guilt. Falling too short too often . . . and too witnessed. Each time he lowered his bar, the bar against which it was measured, was raised. The vitality and hope of an adventurous boy swallowed up by the reality of a time-diminished lack of . . . hope. He just dimmed and flickered out.
\n
\nThe gospel of guilt: \"From him who fails much, much failure is expected.\"
\n
\nI wish he had known that there is a cure for even a brokenness as consistent as his. Had I known then what I know now, I would have told him so . . . and perhaps he could have fought through it in this life and strode into eternity less-burdened . . . acknowledging that guilt is one of those odd gifts we give to the King. We hand Him our guilt; He sees our hidden hope and covers our guilt with His grace, so we too can see that hope.
\n
\nHow many men and women long to demonstrate a good soul, but never seem to make it onto the stage? Or they stride to the middle, stand in the glare of the spotlight and are booed into the silence before the first act begins? In the quietness of their minds, they say \"I really am a good person. Really.\"
\n
\nBut the audience is ready for the next act.
\n
\nOn the flip side of the guilt-ridden are the guilt-riding. Instead of letting their own bad feelings get them down, they use those bad feelings to take others down. Such was my first stepfather. I'm not sure he ever really felt bad about anything he did . . . but he sure made you feel bad for him. He's the only person I ever knew who could awaken out a drunk stupor and cuss about the boss who fired him for not showing up at work and the wife who had let him run out of cigarettes and whiskey. It was always someone else's fault that he was unable to have his bad habits and his good dreams in tandem. He would damn everyone around him and then demand a drink.
\n
\nI wish I had known back then what I know now about guilt. And about grace. Guilt kills. Grace restores.
\n
\nIf anyone should ever have succumbed to the debilitating misery of guilt, it should have been King David. He goes from the glory of killing Goliath and being hailed as a hero and warrior to the gritty grossness of using his ordained power to satisfy his own temptations by first spying on his neighbor's wife, committing adultery with her, making her pregnant, trying to disown the child by tricking the husband, and then, when all else fails, he puts the husband in a position to be killed. All to cover-up, not own-up, to his sin.
\n
\nAnd we would say to David: \"Boy . . . you are as guilty as sin.\" He was. It's enough to send you into hiding in a cave somewhere. David was no stranger to hiding in caves, having fled there before in fear. What does guilt produce but fear?
\n
\nAnd then there's grace. Grace brings you back out of the cave, if you accept it. If it can penetrate the walls of piled on guilt. If the warriors of the Gospel of Guilt don't stand outside the cave with swords of righteousness and slice grace down to a meaningless morsel and drive you back inside. That's not the armor of God they're bearing.
\n
\nSome people equate a moral compass with a guilt compass. But they're not the same. With a guilt compass, the arrow points always downward and no matter how you turn it . . . it leads you no-where. The grace compass? Due north. Out of the cave. Down the highway. Back to the cross.
\n
\nGuilt?
\nGrace?
\n
\nI would rather be foolish or boring or simple or clumsy or slow or even ignorant . . . than guilty. I don't really want to be any of those things, of course, but have been at one time or another. I've been the fool, the bore, the clown, the simple-minded, slow-to-catch-on and the not-so-blissfully ignorant, all of which can lead to painful lessons . . . and moving on. Fool myself once, shame on me. Fool myself over and over again . . . guilt.
\n
\nNow . . . don't think I believe there is no retribution for sin. David's path to redemption was not an easy one and we should have no expectations that ours will be. Consequences are . . . consequential. No matter how secret our sin, it is not beyond the full attention of God. Our consequences can be glaringly public.
\n
\n

Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and under the sun. Then David said to Nathan, \"I have sinned against the Lord \" And Nathan said to David, \"The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born to you shall surely die.\" -- 2 Samuel 12:12-14

The consequences of our sins often extend to others.
\n
\nWhen we rise into grace, we may stand on legs with bloody knees and extend scraped palms. This is where the healing begins. Not in the dark recesses of the cave where we shiver in the dark, but in the light, where the pain begins to absorb the warmth of grace and we display our wounds and pray for healing. I just think that sometimes we look to the left and the right for someone to tell us how to get out of this pit of sorry guilt . . . and we need to look up. For correction and mercy and the courage to embrace grace.
\n

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. -- Proverbs 28:13

Yelling for mercy at the top of your lungs is a good thing. Just realize that God is not the only one listening. People have motivations, even if the stated goal is to assist in your restoration. Some are angry because \"you should have listened to me in the first place.\" Some are frustrated because \"you brought this on yourself.\" Others are just baffled because \"the right way was as plain as the nose on your face.\" Others get a bit puffed up and want to set you on the path to righteousness so they can put another victory cup on their mantle. Others want revenge because of the pain or the embarrassment your trip into guilt caused them personally. Some are striking back out of their own pain because you betrayed them. And then, there are some who just can't resist valuing retribution over restoration, making an example of you so others won't find themselves in your dismal state.
\n
\nSo . . . what happens to the downtrodden when he creeps out of the cave and gets hit with these misguided yet understandable motivations masquerading as \"welcome back?\"
\n
\nGuilt. And a laundry list designed to work him back into the good graces of the re-vamped condemners. Do we want good graces or grace?
\n
\nGod's motivations are pure. He loves us and wants us back. He wants us to trust Him above all, cast aside all those things we think we know . . . and know Him first.
\n
\n

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. -- 3:5-6

Making the paths straight can involve working through some pretty serious consequences encountered as a result of our descent into the pit of guilt. But . . . He loves us so much He even walks with us through those consequences with the same unwavering love He used to coax us out of the cave. Cleaning up the mess we make is a community effort . . . communing with God, hanging close, keeping Him near, looking through His eyes to see the raging river of chaos as crossable and trusting those He brings into our lives to help carry us across.
\n
\nHe's called Emmanual -- God with us -- for a reason. He knows our propensity to head back down the guilty road. And, if we insist on leading, He'll go there with us. But if we let Him lead, the road is straight to grace. We don't deserve it, especially after all the plundering, but it is because we don't deserve it that we get it. If we tried to earn it, we'd just feel guilty because we didn't do it right.
\n
\nSo . . am I saying that people are of no use to us as we pursue grace? Not at all. God works in the ways He wills . . . and sometimes He wills to use the most wonderful, grace-filled, straight-talking people in our lives to help us right ourselves, to stand on each side of us as we wobble along our way, to give stability and instruction, to sharpen our dullness back to a useful edge, to clean out the clutter, to sweep away the layers of deceitful dust.
\n

For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles -- if indeed you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace which was given to me for you; that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.-- Ephesians 3:1-2

God used Paul to extend His grace. We recognize the ones He wills to work in our lives when we realize their motivation matches His: love. And it is grace that allows us to accept the love of others and of God at the points in our lives when we feel our least-deserving. Wait on it. Don't rush headlong into the hands of the peddlers of guilt; wait for the enveloping arms of the offerers of grace. Love will take your hand.
\n
\nI received one piece of advice from the peddlers of guilt that has, in time, actually proven to be a bit of help: \"Now that you know it is wrong . . . just don't do it anymore.\" That was a callous comment, but, in the context of grace, it works. We have to know. And we have to stop. Unfortunately, the comment usually comes packaged like airplane model parts in a box without directions on how to put them together. Pieces of plastic. No clue what to glue to what. It's easier to put everything back in the box and tape down the lid.
\n
\nIf we learn and we listen, \"now that you know what is wrong\" becomes \"now that you know what is right.\" And \"don't\" becomes \"do.\" God's Word unfolds like long-lost directions, with grace as the glue. The pieces fit together.
\n
\nFeeling guilty does not set us free. Equipping sets us free.
\n
\nA GPS -- Global Positioning System -- will not get us back to the throne of grace. But a GPS -- Grace Per Salvation -- will guide us there. It's easier to leave the cave when you know where you're going.
\n
\nI don't know what you've done. I don't know who you hurt. I don't know who you betrayed. I don't know what all you did to cover-up your trail, though I doubt that you killed someone in the cover-up, like David did. But, I do know that if your path to freedom from habitual sinning is blocked by piles of guilt, whether collected and placed there by you or carted in and arranged by others, it is not God's intent that you remain behind that wall.
\n

Then David said to Nathan, \"I have sinned against the Lord \" And Nathan said to David, \"The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die. -- 2 Samuel 12:13

David confessed. God forgave. He took the sins away and David was not guilty anymore. That is grace.
\n
\nWe can move beyond the mistakes we made and the choices we made and all the issues we created and the hurt we inflicted. Grace takes out the broken parts and creates something altogether new.
\n

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. -- 2 Corinthians 5:17

If you feel so guilty about what you've done and you don't think those things can pass away, let grace show it to you. It's true. New things come. God said so.
\n
\n

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. -- Romans 8:1

\nBelieve it. I do now.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 5, 27, 13, 22, 1, 3, 147, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 5, 27, 13, 22, 0, 3, 147, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "guilt", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "adultery", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "David", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Grace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/05/graceless-gospel-of-guilt.html", "title": "The Graceless Gospel of Guilt", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

'Why have you despised the word of the Lord by doing evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the sons of Ammon. -- 2 Samuel 12:9

Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and under the sun. Then David said to Nathan, \"I have sinned against the Lord \" And Nathan said to David, \"The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born to you shall surely die.\" -- 2 Samuel 12:12-14

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. -- Proverbs 28:13

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. -- 3:5-6

For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles -- if indeed you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace which was given to me for you; that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.-- Ephesians 3:1-2

Then David said to Nathan, \"I have sinned against the Lord \" And Nathan said to David, \"The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die. -- 2 Samuel 12:13

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. -- 2 Corinthians 5:17

If you feel so guilty about what you've done and you don't think those things can pass away, let grace show it to you. It's true. New things come. God said so.
\n
\n

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. -- Romans 8:1

\nBelieve it. I do now.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/zuBqJouNA2o/graceless-gospel-of-guilt.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-05-27T13:22:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "3", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-2967091919327891960"}, {"edited": "2010-05-20T12:04:41.554-07:00", "updated": "2010-05-20T12:04:41.554-07:00", "subtitle": "

\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\nWhat kind of clown am I?
\n
\nWhat do I know of life?
\n

Why can't I cast away

This mask of play

And live my life?

-- Stop the World - I Want to Get Off (1961)
\n
\n
\n
\nI don't think we know when we pick up the burdens we may carry throughout our lives. If we saw them on the side of a road somewhere, we might slow down and ponder, stroke-our-chin, glance into our eyes in the rear-view mirror, even stop and shift into park, and then, all things duly-considered, drive on to leave them for some clean-up crew to handle. If we saw them on a shelf for sale, we might jingle the coins in our pocket or almost pull out the debit card, consider that we would have to dust them and arrange them if we took them home, realize they just eventually become so-much clutter, so we might admire them on the shelf and walk away. If someone offered them to us on a street corner, we might graciously nod and decline with a \"no thanks, I don't really need that,\" and cross to the other side.
\n
\nBut we don't find them sitting in the sun on the side of the road on a Sunday drive through the countryside . . . or on the sale rack in the store beneath a sign that reads \"Burdens at Rock-Bottom prices,\"or in the outstretched hands of a stranger at the curb saying \"please take this.\"
\n

We accumulate our burdens in much more subtle ways, a stumble here and there, a curious foray into unexplored territory, a letting down of the guard in a needy moment. Or maybe, as we journey along, some of them are crammed into our backpacks by someone else when we were momentarily distracted, or given to us in change returned during a misguided selling of our soul. Regardless, we pack them in and carry them on, a collection that weighs us down and saps our strength, sometimes bringing us to our knees. We shift them on occasion for comfort . . . and perhaps we ourselves sit on the curb and offer them to others, but we keep them nonetheless. Sometimes they're shared and diminished a bit; sometimes they're shared and multiplied.
\n

I picked one up through another's \"generosity\" in the early '60s when I was sexually abused. He had enough burdens to divide them among others and he gave me my share and soon went on down the road to gift his burdens to others to bear, laying us down like little mile-markers along the road on his journey into darkness.

I picked another one up in the early '70s. It disguised itself as an answer to a gnawing need instead of as the key to an open door to a hell-on-earth. Once I walked through that door and stepped inside, despite my natural inclination to flee, I discovered an equally-natural inclination to hang on to that burden to serve as a doorstop to keep the door behind me open so I could return whenever that gnawing might lead me back down the path.

Our burdens intertwine and strengthen each other and almost always present themselves as answers, not roadblocks. Before we realize they're burdens, they seem more like gemstones. Like a hapless contestant on a game show who makes the choice to open one more briefcase or go to the next round of challenge, we often lose all because we are grasping at what seems so rewarding. We want more. For many of us, the need to be needed, the want to be wanted, the longing to be longed for, the desire to be desired, the craving for acceptance, the purely innocent comfort of not being rejected, the being noticed, the addiction of affirmation, the fuel of \"love\" -- phony or not -- propels us into over-achievement in our burden-collecting.

For me, the door opened on a foggy corner in the drizzle of a past-midnight walk on a college campus when the door of a Volkswagen opened and a smiling driver offered me comfort and a dry ride out of the soaking night of self-pity and loneliness in which I was wandering, self-absorbed, but presenting myself like a sponge, daring someone to care about me. And he did. And I allowed it. And I left a little block of burden in the doorway so I could return when again the grey descended and the fog rolled in. I thought, \"no harm.\"

Or perhaps I didn't really think at all. That's the thing about burdens. The care and feeding of them become so consuming that we find little time to consider the process of unencumbering ourselves until we are so cumbered we cannot spare the energy. We must instead figure out how to make sure no one sees what we are carrying. We rationalize at some point that no one wants to see them. There is no curb on which to sit; no garage sale to hold; no bargain-basement low enough. They're ours.

Much like watching a tree grow outside my office window-- from wind-bending sapling to steady, shady oak -- we don't see how our burdens grow. We've stashed them into a sack of secrets that, though itself invisible to others, becomes so heavy it nevertheless presents us to them as someone stooped in soul. They may not know why; they may suspect; they may have ceased to care, having been whacked here and there by a cloaked burden that fell from the pack through our clumsy packing and shifting.

Then again, a well-meaning hand may reach in on occasion. Looking into our eyes after just a glimpse into our box of burdens, he asks \"What do you have in there? Can I help you with that?\"

Like a threatened child with a favorite toy, we may have responded with a confusing mix: \"These are mine! I mean, there's nothing there.\" And we resolve that no one will catch us lazily laying the stack within their reach again. And we close a door, a door through which someone may have been trying to squeeze because of their own prodding of the Holy Spirit to go beyond the threshold and walk into our lives.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. -- Galatians 6:2

But wait a minute, we say. My burden is not like the others. It's not a house blown-down by a hurricane. It's not a lay-off. It's not the sorrow of a family-member's untimely death. It's not a cancer cutting short my life. It's not a broken marriage. It's not a sick child or a parent with Alzheimer's. It's just not one of those recognizable burdens. It's. It's. It's . . . a giving in under the weight of a sin I can't seem to . . . bear. Like a burden? And we look at our ugly burdens, which somehow not only lost their shine, but turned black and moldy. And we think about the grime and the mess that might rub off if someone gets too close and tries to bear with us. \"No.\" And we renew our determination to keep the lid on and prevent future spills.

Then, one day, like the Louisiana oil rig, an explosion occurs and some get hit full-force by the crud. Others stand helplessly by and try to dodge the seeping and the spewing. Others project the long-term damage yet-to-come. Others point their fingers and levy their penalties.

But the burden is still there. Uglier than before, wider and deeper, spreading out no matter how hard we try to gather it back up; the sack in which we carried it is torn and useless, and one by one the burdens tumble out into full view. We trade shrinking beneath their weight, to crumbling at our fate, a new burden spawned by the vanquishing of secrecy.

This is a pivotal moment where some give up and some give in. Instead of giving away.

In the mid '70s, about the time I was learning to hide and bear, I was gripped by a song by Chuck Girard called Lay Your Burden Down. It played over and over in my head, but I also bore another burden, a refusal to trust. \"I just can't do that,\" I would tell myself, each time I would loosen the tie upon the bag. And I would retreat, usually through a door of escape I had left open to keep me from entering the healing realm of transparency. Blast my resolve.

You've been tryin' hard to make it all alone

Tryin' hard to make it on your own

And the strength you once were feelin'

Isn't there no more.

And you think the wrong you've done

Is just too much to be forgiven

But you know that isn't true

Just lay your burden down, He has forgiven you.

-- Chuck Girard, 1975

We think the wrong we've done is just too much to be forgiven? Maybe that is why we don't lay our burdens down, but instead wait until they are laid out, spilled like an overturned truck on the Interstate, news helicopters hovering overhead, while we head for the ditch to hide.

Another burden we bear is the thought that we have gone beyond the limits of forgiveness. When we take inventory of the precious burdens we have protected, we are blinded by the enormity of them. We fall into the trap of thinking that Christians -- limited by their constant brushes with the reality of earth -- represent the limits of heaven. There are none.

If we don't accept the truth of forgiveness, we'll just keep replacing our burdens with the familiar lies that prompted our collecting in the first place. We'll be looking for looks of love in all the wrong faces.

Open the sack: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -- 1 John 1:9

Lay them out: Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. -- Psalm 51:11

Leave them there: As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. -- Psalm 103:12

Replace the memories of the bearing: Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. -- Hebrews 10:17

I think many times, for those of us who struggle with something so deep and penetrating as a war within ourselves, that we think that other people, or even God, are the daunting wall that blocks our paths to freedom. Often, it is instead a wall of mirrors, reflecting back to us the choices, the walks down blind alleys, the decisions in the dark. We don't, or won't, forgive ourselves. We know there are consequences for sins and we think that chief among the consequences are these burdens we just have to bear.

No.

God says we can lay them down. In the meantime, the Word says our brothers and sisters in Christ can help us bear them. If it takes a little traveling, even a stumble here and there, to get the burdens to the Cross, don't refuse the help. Ask God to bring people into your life that will help you bear. Ask God to remove people from your life who are piling on.

God listens. Always. He is the only One who can stop the world so you can get off. And into His arms.

God Bless,

Thom

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 5, 20, 12, 4, 41, 3, 140, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 5, 20, 12, 4, 0, 3, 140, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "brokenness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "burdens", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/05/has-anyone-seen-my-burden.html", "title": "Has Anyone Seen My Burden?", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "

\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\nWhat kind of clown am I?
\n
\nWhat do I know of life?
\n

Why can't I cast away

This mask of play

And live my life?

Then again, a well-meaning hand may reach in on occasion. Looking into our eyes after just a glimpse into our box of burdens, he asks \"What do you have in there? Can I help you with that?\"

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. -- Galatians 6:2

This is a pivotal moment where some give up and some give in. Instead of giving away.

You've been tryin' hard to make it all alone

Tryin' hard to make it on your own

And the strength you once were feelin'

Isn't there no more.

And you think the wrong you've done

Is just too much to be forgiven

But you know that isn't true

Just lay your burden down, He has forgiven you.

-- Chuck Girard, 1975

Open the sack: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -- 1 John 1:9

Lay them out: Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. -- Psalm 51:11

Leave them there: As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. -- Psalm 103:12

Replace the memories of the bearing: Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. -- Hebrews 10:17

No.

God listens. Always. He is the only One who can stop the world so you can get off. And into His arms.

God Bless,

Thom

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/2mJoAqvf7zc/has-anyone-seen-my-burden.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-05-20T12:04:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "9", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-928521251446288251"}, {"edited": "2010-05-13T14:59:03.584-07:00", "updated": "2010-05-13T14:59:03.584-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth.

-- Matt Redman

\n
\nIn the soft moonlight of midnight, shadows dancing against the baby-blue wall of the nursery from a cottonwood tree moving gently in the nighttime breeze, it is party time. The baby is awake and searching for his toes, his pacifier, his blanket, his mommy or his daddy. He is ready for his day to begin; he wants to explore. Yes . . . in the soft moonlight of midnight. Smiling, cooing, laughing.
\n
\nIn the first 10 years of our marriage, Lisa and I had five babies: four boys and then, a daughter. It was common among them to go through a period when they would have their nights and days mixed up. The normal waking in the middle-of the-night with hunger pains or indigestion or a wet diaper was not a huge problem. You pick them up, hold them, mumble a few comforting words, or, if you're Lisa, sing a lullaby, play with their toes and hopefully they close their eyes before you do. That was all normal. It was the periods when they ignored the realities of time and began their day in middle of my night that were hard.
\n
\nWith all their potent body language -- whether red-faced bawling or cherub-faced giggling -- they would say with all the force of an eight-pounder: \"You are not putting me down.\" \"You are not leaving me in this dark room.\"
\n
\nAnd we didn't. Not on those occasions where we knew the baby was just a bit mixed up; confused about the distance between day and night, oblivious to dark and light. These were not \"I want\" moments. These were \"I need\" times.
\n
\nSometimes we just need to yield ourselves to the \"care for me\" and \"care about me\" cries of those around us who are confused, even if our more common-sense mode tells us that perhaps we should just give them a pat on the back, flip the light back off and close the door. Cry your way through it; you'll be better for it. I'm tired.
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
Oh no, You never let go

\n
\n
Through the calm and through the storm.

\n
\n
Oh no, You never let go

\n
\n
In every high and every low

\n
\n
Oh no, You never let go

\n
\n
Lord, You never let go of me.

\n
\n
-- Matt Redman
\n

\n

\n

\n
\n

\n

\n
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
Sometimes we are the crying child and sometimes we are the comforting one who flips on the light and stays at the side of the weeping and the wailing and the gnashing. And sometimes we're the child who lies awake and refuses to call out, or the busy and self-absorbed who walks straight down the hall and past the room in which the bewildered toss in fits and turns.

\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\nAnd then, there's God. He never lets go. His perfect love casts out fear. Sometimes we don't see it because of the shadows that cast strange thoughts within our minds, but He is always there.
\n
\n
\n

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -- Deuteronomy 31:8

\n
\n

Can you imagine what it would be like to go into our battles and know -- despite the pounding of our hearts and the furious flow of adrenalin -- that someone is at each shoulder, on our left and and on our right, at every step? What if we knew that there was someone right in front of us, fully armed and determined to take the charge? What if we had the assurance that behind us is someone who will catch us if we fall, and move before us so the battle we think is lost becomes a victory instead?

Imagine . . . and know.

\n
\nI remember watching the movie Gettysburg a few years back. I'm not a huge Civil War buff and I have no desire to march in a re-enactment, but there is a stunning moment from that movie that has favorably haunted me from the time I saw it. It has even been re-enacted in my dreams, which is as close as I want to get to the reality of it.
\n
\nI don't remember the battle, but I can't forget the scene. It is a pivotal moment and will turn the war. Two armies -- the North and the South -- awake from a night of encampment and begin to prepare for the major battle that will cost many of the brave men their lives. The armies will meet in the clearing, each marching out from the cool covering of the woods, the dark, shady comfort of the trees, into the blazing sun, bayonets at the ready, muzzle-loaders hoisted.
\n
\nMy mind always says. \"Don't go!\" Stay in the shade. Turn around. Hunker down. Maybe the enemy will go away.
\n
\nThey don't listen to me.
\n
\nThe men line up in formation, shoulder-to-shoulder, and await the command to move. It comes. They look into each other's eyes one last time and then focus on the eyes of the enemy, coming out of cover and heading for the clearing. And they move straight toward the enemy, aware that at some point they will be in hand-to-hand combat and one army will declare the clearing held.
\n
\nShots ring out. Men fall on the left and on the right and the fortunate ones march on, stepping over and around the bodies of the fallen. Soon, the closeness of the armies makes the long rifles useless to fire and the enemy begins to stab and thrust with bayonets. Before the battle is over, men are downing each other one-on-one with knives pulled from their belts. And many fall and die, wondering as they hit the dusty field whether they have done enough to protect their loved ones.
\n
\nIn the end, one army stands, depleted and exhausted, but victorious, despite the huge losses inflicted on them. Great sorrow is experienced in a determination for victory.
\n
\nI don't like battle. I like the clear-blue skies unencumbered by the dark and emerging clouds that creep from the horizon and blunt the sun. I don't want to be close enough to look into the eyes of the enemy; maybe that's why he so often creeps up behind me.
\n
\nWhat if our lonely marches toward the seemingly never-ending walls of defiance that threaten to annihilate us in the middle of the clearing are not really lonely marches at all?
\n
\nImagine . . . and know.
\n
\n

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -- Deuteronomy 31:8.

\nThe Lord Himself? Before us and with us? He never leaves? And yet, he knows we become afraid and are sometimes discouraged. That sometimes our days and our nights are so mixed up that we are in a constant swamp of greyness. That sometimes we want to cast aside our armor and just dig a hole and hide. He never leaves.
\n
\nSometimes God comes to us and meets our outstretched hands in moments of exploration as we seek to discover our place in the world. And he speaks in a quiet still voice. At other times, He stands before us and all around us in full battle gear as we gasp for our survival. And he goes through the rage with us as the enemy strikes and we risk stumbling to our faces flat in the field. He never leaves.
\n
\nGod is never confused about night and day. Evil and good. Truth and deceit. No clever costuming by the enemy can fool God. He knows the serpent's voice and is immune to its cleverness.
\n
\nWe could learn a lot from God. Duhh.
\n
\nLike standing with each other so we could take the clearing instead of retreating to the woods. I'm sure some of those soldiers were more combat-ready and better-trained than the others, but they all marched in. Some were probably already pretty wounded from earlier battles. Some may not have slept the night before, robbed of rest by apprehension. Some may not have even liked the man on his left or right. Some may have been saints; others bound by sin. Yet, there they were, there for each other. Judgement could wait. Condemnation was on hold. They were too busy pointing bayonets in unison at the enemy to point fingers at each other. They were more determined to be a mighty army themselves than to shoot the wounded among them.
\n
\nThe church could learn a lot from them. And from God.
\n
\nThe army marches forward to victory because the weaknesses of each are overwhelmed by the combined strength of all. Even though the battlefield will sometimes melt down into chaos and confusion, the clarity of the mission remains.
\n
\nWhether we are in the nursery wanting nurturing or in the clearing wanting a co-clobberer to enable our courage, we need to move forward.
\n
\nWe need a clarity of mission. We need to know where we want to be so we can make provision to get there, whether we limp across or leap across or get carried across.
\n
\nWe need to realize we don't live in a barn. I remember when I was a kid, my mother would sometimes peek into my room and tell me to get it cleaned up. \"You don't live in a barn,\" she would say. I've thought about that in other ways. We talk so much about God opening doors, or we pull out the old saying that \"when one door closes, He always opens a window.\" And these things are true. But, shouldn't we be closing a few doors in the meantime? Saying no to old habits and bad thinking? Eliminating destructive relationships that the enemy uses in our lives.
\n
\nWe need to be stronger for others. Those of us who struggle need to make darn sure that we are not enabling other strugglers. It is neither kind nor compassionate to play games along the edge of a cliff, to expose ourselves to temptations, to trim the hedges low enough to jump over, to put open spots in the boundaries, to keep relationships intact when we know we are headed for a fall. And I see that, all the time. People rarely fall alone. If you are a co-enabler, you're in co-denial.
\n
\nWe need to be ready to cross the bridge. One of my mother's -- and perhaps every harried mother's -- favorite sayings was \"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.\" I often told my own kids \"We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it.\" \"When we get to it,\" is the dangerous part of the phrase. The men at Gettysburg knew the clearing was ahead. They paused, planned, tried to rest, shared a meal, strengthened themselves as best they could, cleaned their armor, organized and pledged to cross the clearing . . . all before they came to it. And they knew well in advance when they would \"get to it.\"
\n
\nWhen I was a little boy, the directions for crossing a street were to look both ways twice and then cross. It was less scary if a crossing guard was there, but it was nice to know that if the guard was not present, I knew what to do. As I got a little older, I found myself crossing in the middle of the block so I wouldn't have to wait on that crossing guard. And, on occasion, even if I did look both ways, and even if it wasn't exactly clear, I would dart out into the street and dodge a car or two and leap to the opposite curb. I had decided that the instructions were too much trouble and the crossing guard way too slow. It is \"my\" life, after all. I can do with it what I want.
\n
\n

Then Jesus said to His disciples, \"If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?\" -- Matthew 16:24-26

\nMy life? Mine? Not so much.
\n
\nWe can learn a lot from Jesus.
\n
\n

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. -- James 5:19-20

This was written to Christians with the full awareness that they were surrounded by people who might wander away from the truth and into the darkened room of deceit, an often-fatal error. We should be saying: \"Not on my watch.\"
\n
\nNo matter how dark the room, He will not leave us in it. We may refuse to walk into the clearing with Him, but it will be our decision, not His. He is the light that shines in the darkness. He bridges the distance between night and day.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 5, 13, 14, 59, 3, 3, 133, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 5, 13, 11, 48, 0, 3, 133, 0], "tags": [{"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "battles", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Civil war", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "darkness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "addiction", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "ex-gay", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "pornography", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "bisexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "same-sex-attraction", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "evil", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/05/distance-between-night-and-day.html", "title": "The Distance Between Night and Day", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth.

-- Matt Redman

\n
\n

\n

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -- Deuteronomy 31:8

\n
\n

Imagine . . . and know.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -- Deuteronomy 31:8.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, \"If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?\" -- Matthew 16:24-26

\nMy life? Mine? Not so much.
\n
\nWe can learn a lot from Jesus.
\n
\n

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. -- James 5:19-20

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/nHwyyeaHTsM/distance-between-night-and-day.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-05-13T11:48:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "3", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-4716740590586499149"}, {"edited": "2010-05-07T06:32:54.881-07:00", "updated": "2010-05-07T06:32:54.881-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, \"Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!\" -- Aesop's Fables

\n
\nThe sunshine this morning is so brilliant through my office window that I almost need sunglasses to focus on the keyboard. The cloudless sky spreads from a softness along the horizon to a taken-for-granted pureness at its unlimited heights above. The breeze is gentle and all seems as it is meant to be. This majesty of this morning reflects the truth of God, the control He has over all the earth and we within it.
\n
\nBut somewhere this morning there are clouds and rain and fierce winds. In other places, it is dry and hot and still. Still elsewhere, ice covers the earth for miles and much of life is forbidden. That too, expresses the truth of God and His control. Floods and droughts . . . . soft rains, cool breezes . . . searing heat. Where we are in a moment or space can make us wonder at that truth -- God's control -- and perhaps open ourselves up to the chance of becoming a victim of lies, a doubter of truth.
\n
\nAnd the truth is, we are surrounded by peddlers of self-proclaimed wisdom, the most damaging of which often comes from pious observers who claim to have never been in a trench or pit, but are sure they know why others have and how they are either on their way to unavoidable suffocation . . . or supreme freedom. \"If you just follow my guide,\" which often reads like the multi-language sheets that come with \"some-assembly-required\" purchases. All those tiny diagrams and lists of parts and tools and step-by-step instructions. And when you're finished, the question is simple: \"What should I do about this cut on my thumb from the people-proof plastic packaging?\"
\n
\nWhite lies are pervasive in our society. We justify them because we know the truth hurts. With some discernment, a little white lie here and there can be a generous offering. But lies to prop up ignorance or justify judgment are more damaging than the most glaring and searing truth.
\n
\nWhen I was a little boy, I remember lining up in the hallway to swallow down a sugar cube containing a dose of polio vaccine. It was sweet. A couple of years later, I remember going in for a tetanus shot after stepping on a nail which penetrated my tennis shoe. The nurse said \"This won't hurt a bit.\" I howled louder than I had when I stepped on the nail. Her little white lie felt like I was going to die. Two years ago after a significant surgery, I returned to the doctor's office to have the staples removed. The nurse looked right at me and said \"This is going to hurt, so we might as well get after it and get it over with.\" It hurt . . . but I knew we were going to get after it and get it over with, and I appreciated the honesty.
\n
\nHonestly . . . would it hurt that bad for us to just be honest with each other? Sexual brokenness -- whether it manifests itself as homosexuality, sexual addiction, pornography, idolatry, adultery, self-indulgence or another form -- hurts. It wreaks havoc. It can destroy the broken one and devastate the lives of those who are close enough to feel the impact of the personal implosion. In the mean-time, while we debate whether it is too painful to be truthful, we let culture administer so much anesthesia that all affected become numb.
\n
\n
\n

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

\"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy,\" said the villagers, \"when there's no wolf!\" They went grumbling back down the hill.

\nSometimes the search of the broken begins with the cry for attention. The hurt of dressed-up dishonesty is magnified when the broken one lies to himself, in part because he buys into the lies of the ones who tell him that being broken is a gift. \"You just need to learn to express your specialness.\" \"Live the life you've been given.\" \"Accept yourself as God made you.\" \"Drop the denial; put down the mask; bask.\" What? Like a plane with no wings, destined to never leave the runway? Never to see the view from on high? If brokenness is a gift, would someone please provide the gift receipt so it can be taken back?
\n
\n
\n

Later, the boy sang out again, \"Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!\" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, \"Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!\"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

\n
\nI can almost understand the failure of churches to offer real help and genuine truth to sexually-broken people. However, the word \"failure\" in that sentence overwhelms the word \"almost.\" And the word \"truth\" trumps all. As it should. Sometimes crying wolf is just a practice round.
\n
\nToo many times, churches -- and especially church leadership -- like to deliver the truth in a simple one-word package: \"abomination.\" They say it as if they had never before seen a person in your condition, or as if it were an alternating verse in the Bible, interjected throughout to counter-balance all the ones about grace. If that's the case, then they must not understand the jokes they've been laughing at . . . or telling, about the abominably broken. I once had a minister appointed to be my accountability person tell me that he understood, cared and would walk with me all the way. I heard him also at a men's meeting, rousing the crowd with funny jokes about limp-wristed gay men. I knew full well that I was not the only man in the room who struggled with SSA. I was left wondering which pastoral persona was the truth: A counseling one-on-one or a group breakfast stand-up routine? Was he intentionally trying to be confusing? No. Was he clear on the truth? No.
\n
\nAbomination above all abominations? Perhaps if you are ignorant, or fearful, or both.
\n
\nAnd then you have the gay sympathizers. They don't want you to feel bad, so they dress your wounds with the balm of acceptance and affirmation. Not of you, necessarily. But of your brokenness. The balm is a curious concoction made from the watering down of the Gospel and the squeezing of the fruit of confusion. Rather than focusing on what the doctor (Jesus) ordered, they prepare a prescription based on what He did not. End result: you're not broken at all. Welcome to the island of misfit toys. Lie.
\n
\n
\n

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, \"Wolf! Wolf!\"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

\n
\nSo, what is the truth?
\n
\nThe truth is that homosexuality and heterosexuality, can result in very sinful behavior. Sexuality is a gift from God and heterosexuality is the package in which it is presented. Giving a pass to anyone who sins sexually is nothing more than cultural bias. Sexual sin is sexual sin. I personally think Jesus would have spent just as much time drawing in the sand for the homosexual as he did for the adulteress. And he would have given the same advice: \"Go and sin no more.\"
\n
\nThere are those who want to attribute some Biblical approval for homosexuality that just isn't there. It's a feel-good philosophy that seeks to let misguided and hurting people off the hook, but doesn't set them on firm ground.
\n
\nDon't fall for the fallacy that if Jesus had really cared about the issue of homosexuality, he would have been more specific. Jesus embraced scriptural truth.
\n
\nDon't hide behind the eunuchs, who did not choose to be what they were forced to be.
\n
\nDon't excuse yourself because you think the things you do are not that bad, as in \"well, at least I don't . . . . \" Sex outside of marriage is sin; the Bible is clear on that.
\n
\nDon't wave the David and Jonathan banner. The Bible is clear that sexual relations between people of the same sex is sin. Why take an enviable and honorable and supportive friendship between two men and pervert it, just to make yourself feel better?
\n
\nDon't.
\n
\nChristians who just can't help themselves need to turn to someone who can. Jesus. It gets really hard to trust your life to Jesus if you change His Word to suit your needs.
\n
\nSomething else that is just not true is that this is a sexual addiction from which you can not escape. The truth is that you can be free of engaging in homosexuality, viewing pornography, having sex outside marriage, habitual masturbation-based fantasy and sexualized idolatry. But, it might hurt.
\n
\nSo, we may as well get after it and get it done.
\n
\nIn recent days, a Christian music artist and a country music artist -- both women -- made news by proclaiming themselves to be \"out.\" The announcements came via the web, with appealing portraits of the two women, the peace of self-acceptance on their faces. Freedom. The inner sorrow had been air-brushed away. Sometimes it is easier to surrender to whoever will listen than to continue to cry out.
\n
\n
\n

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

\"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, \"Wolf!\" Why didn't you come?\"

\n
\nThe truth is, if Christian men and women who struggle were not so afraid of the response they might receive if they were to turn to their brothers and sisters in the church, we might see a different kind of outing, the sprouting of wings on broken planes, the healing of festered wounds, the throwing open of secret doors, the safe embrace of Christian love. The peace of grace-acceptance. The bearable lightness of forgiveness. A chin-up countenance of clarity where once ruled a cast-down countenance of confusion.
\n
\nWhen do we no longer cry out? When do we no longer turn towards those who do? I guess the answer to those questions would be similar to \"When do we no longer pray?\" And the answer is, when we have given up on God. Then we've bought the big lie, and all the little white ones no longer matter.
\n
\nIf you are a struggler, don't give up. Don't proclaim yourself done. If you are a Christian who does not struggle, don't stick a fork in the struggler and make a declaration. If you want to turn him over to God, do it with determination, not with dismissal.
\n
\n
\n

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

\"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning,\" he said, putting his arm around the youth, \"Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!\"

\nYes, I know the story interwoven is but a fable. Like a parable. But, the truth is, we have so mangled the truth that we have destroyed the trust. The broken patch themselves up and the rest of us either pretend to not notice the Band-Aids, or we call 911 and have them carted off for someone else to deal with. How can we justify that?
\n
\nWould you rather have a parable? Straight from the mouth of Christ?
\n
\n
\n

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, \"And who is my neighbor? In reply Jesus said: \"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.

\"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?\"

The expert in the law replied, \"The one who had mercy on him.\"

Jesus told him, \"Go and do likewise.\" -- Luke 10:29-37

\n
\nOne more truth: it's just not that hard. Love them like Jesus. Have mercy. Maybe you don't have all the answers, but being at a loss for words doesn't vanquish the broken from your list of neighbors. You can still lift the broken from the side of the road.
\n
\nIf you are the broken, don't be fatally discouraged by the numbers of the passers-by. Keep heart. Someone will stop.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\nI'll be back. This won't hurt a bit. Try it, you'll like it\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 5, 7, 6, 32, 54, 4, 127, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 5, 6, 14, 36, 0, 3, 126, 0], "tags": [{"term": "condemnation", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "adultery", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "healing", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexual", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "repentance", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "pornography", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Grace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Christian Struggles", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "same-sex struggles", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "freedom", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/05/this-wont-hurt-bit.html", "title": "This Won't Hurt a Bit", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, \"Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!\" -- Aesop's Fables

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

\"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy,\" said the villagers, \"when there's no wolf!\" They went grumbling back down the hill.

Later, the boy sang out again, \"Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!\" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, \"Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!\"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, \"Wolf! Wolf!\"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

\"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, \"Wolf!\" Why didn't you come?\"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

\"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning,\" he said, putting his arm around the youth, \"Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!\"

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, \"And who is my neighbor? In reply Jesus said: \"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.

\"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?\"

The expert in the law replied, \"The one who had mercy on him.\"

Jesus told him, \"Go and do likewise.\" -- Luke 10:29-37

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/phvwjTGrK08/this-wont-hurt-bit.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-05-06T14:36:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "4", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-2047271690703384904"}, {"edited": "2010-04-28T18:05:08.558-07:00", "updated": "2010-04-28T18:05:08.558-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\nThere are times when I wish I could not close my eyes, beyond the need for sleep. Not only are they windows for my imagination, but they are too clear openings to real reminders of moments when I walked blindly. They hide nothing; reveal everything. To those who look at me, they are blue. From the inside though, from my view, they tend more to be grey, shadow-bound.
\n
\nIt's not the old \"man-in-the-mirror\" complex, although I have looked into my own eyes before and asked \"Why are you looking at me like that?\" Beyond the receding hairline, and a curiosity about whether my ears will ever even out with the rest of my face, it is the soul into which I see that has, more so in the past, troubled me. No creative facial expression fools me.
\n
\nI used to go to a church where one of the members, a very nice man who was mentally challenged, did not, at some times, like to be looked at. You never knew for sure. Sometimes he was very approachable; sometimes he was intentionally distant. You were only in his world if invited. And, if not, he would say, with a threatening tone, \"Stop looking at me!\" He was not a little guy, so the warning was usually heeded. You were only in if you were invited in. I realized then, perhaps more than I wanted to admit, that his response was a defensive mechanism. He had obviously been hurt by those who had gazed at him as if he were not, somehow equal. He didn't want sympathy. He didn't want judgement. He just wanted to trust . . . and it was hard.
\n
\nI understand that. No matter whether our pain and loss is self-inflicted, or whether it is just a quirk of nature or the result of someone else's carelessness or uncaringness, those who struggle -- whether it is with sin or just a gnawing reality that they somehow don't measure up to those around them -- don't want to be looked upon as less. We can acknowledge our brokenness in the mirror; we can confess it to those we trust; we can turn it over to God . . . but we don't need the misery of visual judgment. Hence: \"Why are you looking at me like that?\"
\n
\nI imagine my own sin has multiplied itself many times over, manifested in the growth of gossipers and the nourishment of the self-righteous. I have come to realize that there are a few people in my past that would not forgive me and believe me healed even if they were to be standing on a lakeside and see me walking on the water hand-in-hand with Jesus. I also have come to realize that there are plenty of people who just can't be bothered with a brother's redemption and repentance, not if it takes longer than they establish. This is a busy world you know; lots of things to plan, so much to see. We grow tired and seek new missions.
\n
\nI test the waters on occasion and find that the anger is still strong. Having experienced the incredible and mysterious change that comes upon a Christian who passes through the mirror of self-hatred and into the loving acceptance of the One who knew us before, during and after . . . I want to ask again to those who don't know me now . . . but hold on to the me they knew when: \"Why are you looking at me like that?\"
\n
\nBut I realize they don't know me at all anymore, and I'm honestly okay with that. As they have memories of me; I have memories of them. I remember that some of them like the mirror a little too much. Honestly, some people, instead of being like God want to \"be God.\" It's an odd blindness.
\n
\n

Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the rebellious act of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever because He delights in unchanging love. He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. -- Micah 7:18-19

Jesus walked on the sea into which God is willing to cast our sins.
\n
\nWhy is it that some people would not walk across the street to help a broken man . . . yet God's Son would set aside his royalty and suffer and die? Why is it that some Christians today spend all their energy protecting themselves from being tarnished by the ones they judge unclean when Jesus went out of His way to assure them that He did not see them that way? He saw the broken in a wholeness He knew they could inhabit.
\n
\nPeople who struggle with sexual brokenness are bombarded with opinions instead of truths. Some people say \"accept your plight.\" Some say \"accept your gift.\" Some say \"God can change you; get back to me on that.\" Some say, \"I love you and I will walk with you as Christ would.\" Others just say \"I'll pray for you,\" and the struggler hopes they will, but many times already knows enough to have only a shred of confidence in that. In the mix of opinions, it is as if the struggler has many faces, depending on the fixated beliefs of the eyes that look upon him.
\n
\n\"Why are you looking at me like that . . . or that . . . or that?\"
\n
\nGod bless those who cannot help but respond with eyes of love and mercy. In that is strength. Meet their gazes and draw from it. As to the others, you are under no obligation to stare them down; it's energy needed elsewhere.
\n
\nSympathy and empathy are empty without a belief in the power of Christ to heal and the Holy Spirit to lead believers out of the wilderness that, yes, does plague Christians. Christians who struggle with sexual brokenness are hiding out in the pews, alternately trembling from fear of discovery and need of wholeness. They want to be transparent, but they have experienced the wide-eyes of unbelief, either directly or through the conversations of Christians who mock the public strugglers, unaware that the man or woman next to them is drowning and would like to hand to reach out for . . . but is internally shrinking back, considering that it might be safer beneath the waves.
\n
\nAgain, Jesus walked on the sea into which God is willing to cast our sins. The church is populated with people who don't really believe that Christ can do all things, much less that those who believe in Him can, with His strength.
\n
\n

Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. -- Mark 11:24

Pray . . . ask . . . believe . .. receive.
\n
\nJesus is even patient when we struggle to believe. When we look directly into His eyes and see reflected there our own pain and repeated failures and drop our heads from meeting his loving gaze. By His example of patience, we have to extend grace and patience ourselves to those who have closely recorded in their files and journals our records of past stumbles. They believe in what they see and in their carefully-kept record of wrongs. Oddly, that evidence, weighed against the overwhelming evidence of generations of changed lives, is something they can safely cling to. Doubt becomes conviction, and overwhelms possibility.
\n
\n
\n

And Jesus said to him, \" 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes.\" Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, \"I do believe; help my unbelief.\" When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, \"You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again.\" -- Mark 9:23-25

\nHelp my unbelief. And . . . while You're at it, please help theirs.
\n
\nSo . . . how does one meet the mirror and walk away in peace? And how does one greet the naysayer and stroll on without bending beneath the weight of shame and guilt that comes when we know others know of our sin and brokenness?
\n
\nBy focusing on what God sees.
\n
\n

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; -- Psalm 139:13-15

\nGod's eyes beheld our soul before our mothers counted our fingers. God's eyes saw us stumble into our first mess. God's eyes watched us struggle deeper and deeper into the quicksand of our rebellion. God's eyes saw ours when they were flashing with defiance and brimming with remorse. God's eyes beheld our pride and saw our shame.
\n
\nIf we focus on what God sees, we may again ask, \"Why are you looking at me like that?\"
\n
\nAnd the answer is, \"Because I love you.\" Still.
\n
\nWhen we find ourselves beached by the waves of our dismal memories, we need to realize that God's memories trump ours. He remembers when we were \"wonderfully made\" and \"skillfully wrought.\" And He remembers the plans He had for us. If we turn to Him, forsaking all others, he blows the dust off the mislaid plans and puts the pieces back together and opens the gate again to point the way back to the path from which we turned.
\n
\nWelcome God's gaze. He knows you. He knew whether your eyes would be blue, or green, or brown or a million other shades of His choice. He can remove the shadows that cloud our vision so we can see Him back. And He won't ask us why we are looking at Him. He knows.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 4, 28, 18, 5, 8, 2, 118, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 4, 28, 18, 5, 0, 2, 118, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "truth", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "brokenness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "redemption", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Doubt", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Christian Struggles", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "judgment", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/04/why-are-you-looking-at-me-like-that.html", "title": "Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the rebellious act of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever because He delights in unchanging love. He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. -- Micah 7:18-19

Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. -- Mark 11:24

And Jesus said to him, \" 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes.\" Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, \"I do believe; help my unbelief.\" When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, \"You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again.\" -- Mark 9:23-25

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; -- Psalm 139:13-15

\n

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/KbX-A_tC_E0/why-are-you-looking-at-me-like-that.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-04-28T18:05:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "4", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-8296621228151167594"}, {"edited": "2010-04-22T13:24:56.344-07:00", "updated": "2010-04-22T13:24:56.344-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;

Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.

Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;

Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

\n

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;

Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.

No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;

No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

-- Horatius Bonar, 1808-1889

I attended last weekend a birthday celebration for a 90-year-old man, my stepfather. Surrounded by his family and basking in their love, he was eventually reduced to tears of joy. Clear in his own remarks was the comfort of his awareness that he had generally lived life well and upright, as much as a man can in this fallen world. Not perfect, but comfortable in his knowledge of forgiveness and in his gratitude for grace. He felt the love and knew it was real.

The word \"integrity\" was spoken in reference to him and I found myself envying that, amazed that he had traversed nine decades and maintained his integrity in the minds of those who had seen him travel through.

On the drive back home, through a gentle rain and a descending darkness, I pondered my fewer decades and the truth of integrity-lost. In my life, I had not taken the road less-traveled. I had not even taken the more familiar path of the many. Wielding my self-made machete, I thrashed my way right through the middle of the overgrown thorny wilderness, and in the weariness of wandering through the tangled vines and thistles, I had tossed aside the good things that can weigh us down when we seek our own way. Including integrity. I made my own way, fashioning a route that reflected some unfortunate influences that came upon me, yet . . . I made my own choices.
\n
\n
\nThose of us who stray can certainly point to the occasional forced detour, but, ultimately we bear the responsibility for where we have been and where we are and where we will yet go. A light was always available on the darkened path; I often turned away from it as if it were a glare and not a guide.

Man seems so often to want the garden on his own terms. A little tending here and there to be rewarded by pleasures not planted for our benefit, but which entice us to lay aside the tools a bit and seek desperate respite. In creep the weeds, choking away what once nourished, until there is a barrenness that becomes a depleted and depressing landscape on poisoned soil. Integrity traded for skewed gratification or to fill a gnawing and misunderstood emptiness.
\n
\n

It is not for man to direct his steps. -- Jeremiah 10:23

\nThat would be \"any man.\" It was not right for me to direct my steps . . . or to choose steps in reflection of others' direction. I did both. I made choices to please myself on occasion and I made choices -- good and bad -- to please others. When I tried to emerge from the darkness, it was often because I was yearning for the good light of others, for approval. I would follow the direction of perhaps well-intentioned men -- ministers -- rather than pursuing only God. The two could certainly align, but often do not. I would find myself so wanting to be seen as repentant and restored that I would agree to any plan set forth . . . just to have everything look right again . . . in the eyes of men.
\n
\n\"I promise,\" I would say. \"I'll do whatever you say.\"
\n
\n

But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. -- Matthew 5:34-37

\nI must be honest and say that I did not respect the men who established the plan, but I pledged to fulfill it anyway. I went from one long search for approval from men -- grappling with my broken sexual identity -- to another search -- thirsting for spiritual approval. From men. The evil one worked in both situations. The result? A doubling-down in my slipping search for integrity.
\n
\n

For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. -- Galatians 9:10

\nI wish I were more of a sponge when it comes to the Word of God. I would have done more than just heard that you cannot please God and man. I would have lived it.
\n
\nI know many men and women are precariously picking their way through life among the sharp shards of a shredded and tattered integrity. This is not where we wanted to be. We find ourselves here because there were a lot of places we should never have been. The question is: can integrity be reclaimed?
\n
\nIndeed, it can. The pieces can be re-fitted and re-arranged and sewn together to create a tapestry of integrity that reflects past struggles in the brilliance of blinding restoration. The broken can shine. God does bless the broken road. Pull to the side and wave the white flag.
\n
\nWe re-establish our integrity by re-tracing the steps of its loss.
\n
\n1. Depend on God. -- A man or woman of integrity is someone who depends on God. I lost my integrity when I saw God as only a rescuer and not a rest. I did not rest in Him and wait on Him. I ran in front and called on Him when I fell in exhaustion. He was, of course, always there and I stood again because of His love, but I often left my integrity behind and ran on again.
\n
\n2. Practice humility. -- This does not mean to perfect a persona of humility. It means \"be humble.\" And, practice means just that: do it over and over until it becomes who you are. A man who seeks to satisfy himself without clarifying that satisfaction to be the will of God is not a humble man. I thought of myself as downtrodden at times because of a hunger; I sought to satisfy that hunger by whatever means pleased me. That is pride, not integrity.
\n
\n3. Take responsibility for your actions. -- As I said earlier, many of us who have struggled with sexual issues were exposed to harmful circumstances or were not exposed to good teaching and direction. We need to deal with those realities through the process of forgiveness of whoever harmed us or neglected us . . . and then allow the grace of God to heal us. Thus healed, we are responsible for our own actions. The blaming of others only creates a greater circle of blame; it doesn't water down our own culpability. I've also discovered through time that most people don't really care that much what caused me to stumble. They just want me to walk upright. In integrity.
\n
\n4. Be diligent in good things. -- Even the slightest amount of personal objectivity can lead us to a fairly accurate list of good and bad . . . if we are Christians. It's not hard to know when we are doing bad things. We feel convicted. We suffocate in guilt. We fall beneath the weight of shame. We retreat to blame. We shy away from God because we are embarrassed to be called a son of God. Each breath is labored; we deny ourselves access to the Breath of Heaven. A person of integrity breathes freely.
\n
\n5. Be obedient to God. -- Often we confuse obedience to men -- even church leaders -- with obedience to God. If we are obedient to God, we won't have to worry about being obedient to church leaders. God will provide the grace we need to do so and the place we need to be in to make their yoke as light a burden as is His. I think when we refuse to be obedient to God, He allows us to be broken down through the heavy burdens of enforced obedience, inflicted by men confused by our brokenness. Please God. The rest will take care of itself.
\n
\n6. Be honest . . . good-hearted . . . faithful . . . kind . . . gracious . . . gentle in spirit. -- Hiding in the swamp of sin is not honest. Being consumed with terror that others will see into the blackness of our heart is not being good-hearted. A double-life is not a reflection of being faithful; it is a sign of distrust in God. Being self-consumed makes us unkind. Pleasing ourselves above God and others is not gracious. Protecting ourselves and defending our impure ways detours a gentleness of spirit.
\n
\nDoes this seem like a difficult list? It's not. It is relief and rest. Can you imagine what it would be like to live a life dependent on an all-powerful God . . . to be humble and not worry about impressing others . . . to willingly accept responsibility for our actions and stand corrected and strong . . . to welcome accountability . . . to be diligent in doing good . . . to be obedient to God and guilt-free . . . to be honest and transparent . . . to love others and be called upon by them for help because of our open graciousness and gentle spirit?
\n
\nDoes it sound hard? Are you worn out by all the flailing about that is a part of our instinct for survival in this world? Do you feel alone in your struggle?
\n
\n

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -- Matthew 11:28

\nWe can walk in integrity. We are not bound by our past sins; we are not forced to move into a forced labor camp of legalism. We are invited to be partakers of grace. If someone is telling you that you can't reclaim your integrity, then pray for their faith, for it is lacking. They're telling you that God is not capable of restoring you. My fate rests in the hands of an almighty God, not an arbitrary one; a God who is more than capable of restoring me. A God who loves me and wants me back. There is no \"worst sinner.\" No matter what the weight is when we step out of the boat, the Hand extended bears us up.
\n
\nAt the end of the party, the 90-year-old man expressed his one wish. That everyone present live to be 90. I want to.
\n
\nIn integrity.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 4, 22, 13, 24, 56, 3, 112, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 4, 22, 13, 24, 0, 3, 112, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "obedience", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "humility", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "honesty", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Grace", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "integrity", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/04/reclaiming-tattered-integrity.html", "title": "Reclaiming Tattered Integrity", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;

Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.

Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;

Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

\n

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;

Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.

No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;

No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

-- Horatius Bonar, 1808-1889

It is not for man to direct his steps. -- Jeremiah 10:23

But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. -- Matthew 5:34-37

For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. -- Galatians 9:10

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -- Matthew 11:28

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/Yy4Kl5YFP-Q/reclaiming-tattered-integrity.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-04-22T13:24:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "2", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-8523007366312358292"}, {"edited": "2010-04-14T15:34:36.583-07:00", "updated": "2010-04-14T15:34:36.583-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\nThe game, as we all know, is called \"Hide and Seek.\" While one player -- maybe your dad -- leans against a tree with his eyes closed and counts to 10, your friends -- your brothers and sisters -- go hide themselves behind the fences, up in the trees, under a parked car in the driveway, behind a bush. And then, when he is done counting, he seeks. In your quietness, you try to sneak past him and run back \"home\" without being caught.
\n
\nThe game, as we all know, is called \"Life.\"
\n
\nSometimes we hide. Sometimes we seek. Sometimes we struggle desperately to make it back home unnoticed. Sometimes we hide beyond the established borders and perhaps just wander on as darkness falls and the seeker calls out our name . . . along with \"All in . . . All in . . . all come free.\" And the seeker waits beside the tree, eyes open, expecting all. He knows our name and cups his hands and calls out into the darkness. And on we hide.
\n
\nIf God is the seeker, he waits. People, on the other hand, may move on. There will be other games in other places with other players. In either case, whether you are hiding from God or hiding from people, or perhaps even hiding from yourself . . . hiding is a very lonely thing to do.
\n
\nWhen my children were little, they would hide in plain sight, or, at the least, in plain sound. Once, one of them covered his eyes and pronounced that since he could not see me, I could not see him. I think sometimes we approach God that way. We cover our eyes and take a little time out, as if He can not see us because we choose not to see him.
\n
\nOther times, one of my little ones would dash behind the nearest big chair and giggle and wiggle. Invisible but so uncontrollably happy at the prospect of being found that he would leave a vocal road map. The joy was not in the hiding, but in the being sought. And we do that to God too; we make intentional noises and pray that He will follow them and pull us from the shadows of the big chair and sweep us up like He is surprised and overjoyed. And He does.
\n
\nBut sometimes we duck and turn and weave and wander to points where we don't even know where we are. And then we dig so deep that it is like we want to make sure our cries are muffled. We're not so sure we want to be found. It's not that we think He can't. We just kind of like it out here in the darker places.
\n
\nWhen I would find my children in their favorite spots after walking around a bit and pretending not to see them, perhaps even giving them a chance to run full-speed to \"home,\" I would catch them. And, what would they say? \"Let's do it again, Daddy!\" They wanted \"do-overs.\"
\n
\nAnd we would. Again and again. Hider and seeker, trading places on occasion. My turn to giggle and wiggle and be caught running home.
\n
\nOf course, they're all grown now and their hiding and seeking is between them and their Maker, as all Christians discover. They Adam and Eve themselves into and out of His presence. And, they, like me, most likely plead for their share of do-overs, which come in the form of forgiveness, God's response to confession and repentance.
\n
\nI'm not a great cook, being fortunate to be married to one. I like to make a few things, Divinity being one of those. A couple of times a year I break out the Karo, beat up the egg whites and make the purest, whitest, dissolve-in-your-mouth candy. Or not. Much as I watch the candy thermometer to the exact degree, beat the egg whites to the stiffest and combine all the ingredients \"slowly while beating,\" the Divinity sometimes turns in to a sticky mess or a hard chalky unappealing block.
\n
\nBecause everyone thinks I make \"perfect\" divinity, I just do a do-over. I dump out the inferior stuff and keep at it until it's as close to perfect as it can be. And no one sees the messes and the failures.
\n
\nGod wants perfection too. He didn't create us to be sticky-gooey or hard and chalky. We were intended to be a delight to all His senses. The recipe itself is perfect, but it seems to take a lot of doing-over to get it right.
\nIn God's kitchen, that means a purifying process, a washing.
\n
\n

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. -- Psalm 51:7

\nAnd it requires a lot of \"Do-it-again-Daddy.\"
\n
\nThat is, if we don't just hide ourselves, which is certainly the first inclination when we have embarrassed ourselves and sinned again, perhaps, as had been said of me \"against all of humanity.\"
\n
\n

I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, \"I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,\" and You forgave the guilt of my sin. -- Psalm 32:5

\nDavid learned a lot from hiding. What he learned most was to not do it anymore.
\n
\nWe have a God who does not wander; does not turn a deaf ear; does not flinch. He doesn't hide. In fact, he surrounds us with His presence, which makes seeking Him simply simple. To not seek Him, we have to want to not seek Him. We have to deny Him.
\n
\n

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. -- Hebrews 11:6

\nBut what if we are so discouraged that we have piled the darkness high around us like angry black stones to block all vision and progress? He turns the table and He does the seeking.
\n
\n

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost. -- Luke 19:10

\nSo what is a sinner to do? We live in a world that acknowledges sin all the time. We talk about it. Report on it. Point at it. Rebuke it. Judge it. Mimic it. Teach it. Punish it. Enjoy it. Drown in it. Die from it. Surrender it. Reclaim it. Justify it. Blame it. Deny it. Just try it. Run from it. Embrace it. Model it. Fall for it. Become it.
\n
\nAnd then hide from the only answer to it.
\n
\n

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -- I John 1:9

\nConfession is pretty much the opposite of hiding.
\n
\nNow, to be \"real,\" not hiding can be pretty lonely sometimes too. When I was habitually sinning and my depleted sense of self was searching for completeness through sexuality, I had many people in my life. I had those who knew the sinful me and accepted it as something beneficial to them. I had the closeness of those who knew nothing about my sin at all and accepted the face-value me. With me out of hiding now, many of both groups have run for cover. And . . . it gets lonely, as you will discover when you come from the darkness into the light and face the uncertainty of those who have discovered the \"is it really true?\" repentant you. The non-repentant ones who remain in darkness adopt a \"who-are-you\" attitude towards you because they no longer need you. Those who walk all the way through with you? What a gracious gift from God.
\n
\nThe light can be scary too. Things that were hazy in darkness can be brilliantly painful in the brightest light.
\n
\nAnd then there is God. A redeemer. A restorer. A comforter. An ever-present help in times of trouble.
\n
\nDon't hide. Cry to Jesus. He is there.
\n
\n

Sometimes the way is lonely,

And steep and filled with pain,

So if your sky is dark and pours the rain,

Cry to Jesus.

Cry to Jesus and live.

-- Chris Rice, Untitled Hymn

\nEvery game eventually grows old and we come in to get warm or seek rest. Hide and Seek -- once all the good spots have been discovered -- is just no fun anymore.
\n
\n

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. -- Matthew 11:28.

\nAll in, All in . . . all come free. All: you and me.
\n
\nHidden so well you can't find the way? Follow the light.
\n
\n

I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness. -- John 12:46

\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n \n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 4, 14, 15, 34, 36, 2, 104, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 4, 14, 15, 34, 0, 2, 104, 0], "tags": [{"term": "forgiveness", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sexual sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "purity", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "confession", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/04/hidings-such-lonely-thing-to-do.html", "title": "Hiding's Such a Lonely Thing to Do", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. -- Psalm 51:7

I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, \"I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,\" and You forgave the guilt of my sin. -- Psalm 32:5

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. -- Hebrews 11:6

\nBut what if we are so discouraged that we have piled the darkness high around us like angry black stones to block all vision and progress? He turns the table and He does the seeking.
\n
\n

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost. -- Luke 19:10

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -- I John 1:9

Sometimes the way is lonely,

And steep and filled with pain,

So if your sky is dark and pours the rain,

Cry to Jesus.

Cry to Jesus and live.

-- Chris Rice, Untitled Hymn

\nEvery game eventually grows old and we come in to get warm or seek rest. Hide and Seek -- once all the good spots have been discovered -- is just no fun anymore.
\n
\n

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. -- Matthew 11:28.

\nAll in, All in . . . all come free. All: you and me.
\n
\nHidden so well you can't find the way? Follow the light.
\n
\n

I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness. -- John 12:46

\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n \n

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/H_b5BdmDKQA/hidings-such-lonely-thing-to-do.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-04-14T15:34:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "1", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-1415195228688931356"}, {"edited": "2010-04-08T10:54:26.826-07:00", "updated": "2010-04-08T10:54:26.826-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

\"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don\u2019t worry about these things, saying, \u2018What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?\u2019 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.\" -- Matthew 6:30-33

\n
\n
\nOur dining table sits inside a large window facing west. Our yard slopes somewhat gracefully and a bit bumpily down towards the woods, crossing a couple of acres of native grass and wildflowers to where a solitary path disappears into the trees. This window provides for me a view of how God designed His world to change and grow and survive.
\n
\nTwelve years at this window have shown me His persistence. Piles of drifting snow give way to fields of purplish weeds, dotted with brilliant yellow early dandelions. Mowing removes the bright colors and introduces the lush green of the later grass, which will eventually fade and dry and lie beneath the leaves until the snow returns. The winds will come to release the new seeds and return to remove the brittle leaves. The trees are taller each spring and more full. The birds are bountiful, building nests; the hummingbirds busy on the flowers and then again reduced to a few hearty winter birds who hunker down and peck at the frosty ground. The clouds are wispy, then powerful, then come stationary days of gray, then absent all together for days, giving way to a bright panorama, sometimes blazing hot, sometimes searing cold.
\n
\nIt's good.
\n
\nThis morning, sitting at the table, having breakfast, Lisa remarked that the redbud trees were more beautiful than ever. She has a view directly out the window. I have a more restricted view from the left at the end of the table and can see only the slower hardwood tree, the one that has yet to produce its leaves. For me, the scene still seems like winter and I can, if I choose, refuse to believe the trees are changing, responding to the life inside them, shrugging off their dormancy, springing to life, rejecting the dull deadness that had reduced them to stick figures on the landscape. After all, it's my view, restricted by the curtains which frame the window. I can claim that nothing changes if I want. It would, of course, be a lie.
\n
\nThis morning, Lisa rose from the table and pulled back the curtains to reveal the redbud tree . . . for me to see. The untruth of the bare tree dissolved. As I looked at it in a broader picture, with the redbuds near and the emerging grass beneath, I was aware it too was alive, with little bumps along the branches, like promises.
\n
\nI noticed neither the redbud nor the other tree was holding a sign. \"Look at me, I'm beautiful and better than the other trees.\" \"Look at me, I'm going to be better. I'll catch up.\" Nor was the truly dead tree I had chopped down in winter to burn in a spring bonfire. \"Look at me, I gave up.\"
\n
\nI'm not going to go into roots and branches and water and good and bad soil and good and bad fruit. These are plants, not people, but they teach us. Those parables have been presented in a better way than I can do.
\n
\nWhat I am wondering about this morning is why we accept so much change in every little facet of God's creation as natural . . . and then refuse to think that men cannot change . . . or be changed? Or, why we think that every man or woman who struggles through the dead of winter and reveals all the twisted and bare branches has to suddenly burst forth in brilliant change like a redbud? Why do we not see the little bumps that appear on the branches . . . . the promises?
\n
\nWhy do we hold signs? \"You can't change.\" \"You are who you are?\" \"You've done too much.\" \"Give up.\"
\n
\nWhy do we want to chop a few down here and there and set them aside for the bonfire?
\n
\nWhy do we draw the curtains and sit to the left or right so we don't have to consider the view straight-on?
\n
\nWhy do we believe the lie?
\n
\nAnd why do we tell the dormant through our motions and our words that they have no choice but to believe the lie themselves? That there is no Spring . . . not for them. Can we not hear the birds singing once again?
\n
\n

However, as it is written: \"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him\" -- I Corinthians 2:9

\nI visited on line with a young man in California last night who said he had believed the lie that he had no choice but to be gay. Just a young man, he still said he had lived the gay lifestyle \"for many years.\" It must have seemed so long, like a winter that will not end. He had been told by therapists to accept himself and explore the lifestyle. I don't know if they told him that God created him that way, because I don't know if they believe in God. I only know that they told him a lie. And it had a shelf life that extended for years. His heart would prod him with the truth, but he would fall back on the insight of the blind and pursue peace among the wandering. Recently, someone dared to tell him the truth and declared they would walk with him, as a Christian should.
\n
\nI am angry at culture for taking control . . . and I am angry at Christians for yielding it. We refuse to see the mold that grows on the lies, turning them sickly green and poisonous . . . and in our own fears, we extend the shelf life of the lies.
\n
\nPerceiving the struggler as a creeping contagion, we fortify our walls, retreat to the safety of our churches, demand rapid evidence of repentance, shrug at the scraped knees and elbows of the fallen, lay out plans, measure progress, pronounce judgement and rejoice that we have protected the flock from the wandering sheep by herding them into a circle. Do we not understand that rejection feeds the fire? These are not wildflowers.
\n
\n\"He was not really a sheep. He was a wolf.\"
\n
\nSo, there is this second lie. The first, which sends the sexually broken down the path to darkness is the one the world provides: \"You are who you are.\"
\n
\nThe second lie is the one the church too often tells us: \"If you were really a Christian, you would not have this problem.\"
\n
\nWhat a comfortable and dismissive lie it is. Let's just take the moldy bread and wrap it in an opaque cover and hide the decay.
\n
\nBut wait? Isn't that true?
\n
\n

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! -- II Corinthians 5:17.

\nCertainly.
\n
\nBut what of the man or woman who is a Christian and yet struggles with the multi-layered, multi-faceted sin of sexual brokenness -- homosexuality, idolatry, adultery? Or, heaven forbid, the Christian who gossips, or lies, or judges, or cruises pornography before approaching the pulpit or teaches a Bible study to tell others how to live, or has sex after the prom before heading to church on Sunday, or plans a hasty marriage to hide a pregnancy?
\n
\nWe have so many planks, we don't know whether to build a mightier temple or a stronger barricade.
\n
\nWe like to fill our pews with redbud trees that demonstrate the beauty and glory of God's greatest work. They get the attention, the praise, the \"so-glad-to-see-yous.\" Not so comfortable to have beside us are the hardwoods -- the hard cases that are trying to work their roots into the soil, searching for water -- hiding the bumps on the branches in hopes of being given a little more time to come forth in new life. Maybe a couple here and there truly died in the harshest of winters, but most are just in need of the light and warmth of the Son. We're neglecting the landscape. Many individuals and families -- greatly treasured and loved by Christ, who died for them as much as for the most pious among us -- are hurting and being stunted . . . and it is not necessary.
\n
\nLike a bulging can, or a piece of rotting fruit, these lies have gone long beyond their shelf life. In our denial of the power of Christ to open his arms to every seeker, we have sent them searching elsewhere into a culture that will tell them Christ Himself is but a myth. Live and let live . . . for tomorrow we die.
\n
\nThe lies of culture and the lies of the church are both in dire need of a recall. Truth is the fertilizer of faith, and faith is what we claim to live by. Yet . . . when we approach the broken as if there is nothing that can be done for them here . . . our faith falls on fallow ground. Nothing grows. Nothing changes. And then we want to say it is not our responsibility anyway. They're the ones who are all messed up. If you really feel that comfortable with who you are, you should be more zealous than anyone with helping those who have fallen.
\n
\n

He replied, \"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.\" -- Matthew 17:20

\nFaith and truth are God's products . . . and they never expire.
\n
\nGod can use the church to heal His people. But first, we need to heal the church. Instead of hiding from the world, we need to pull back the curtains and take a wider view. He created it all. Even the broken reflect his touch.
\n
\nGod Bless,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 4, 8, 10, 54, 26, 3, 98, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 4, 8, 10, 40, 0, 3, 98, 0], "tags": [{"term": "homosexuality", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "church", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "truth", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "pornography", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "faith", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/04/shelf-life-of-lie.html", "title": "The Shelf Life of A Lie", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

\"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don\u2019t worry about these things, saying, \u2018What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?\u2019 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.\" -- Matthew 6:30-33

However, as it is written: \"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him\" -- I Corinthians 2:9

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! -- II Corinthians 5:17.

He replied, \"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.\" -- Matthew 17:20

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/nTzbZ25km7A/shelf-life-of-lie.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-04-08T10:40:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "5", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-6983160478578326016"}, {"edited": "2010-04-01T12:39:33.718-07:00", "updated": "2010-04-01T12:39:33.718-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\u201cA righteous man hates all sins, even the ones he cannot conquer; and loves all the Truth, even that which he cannot understand\u201d -- Puritan Anthony Burgess

\nSomewhere back a couple of decades ago when our children were still waking up to Easter baskets at the foot of their beds, we bought our first Peeps. Little, yellow, chick-looking, soft, sugary and yummy. They were the anti-chocolate and more charming than a hollow bunny whose ears were destined to be chomped. When you bit inside, the purity of the white marshmallow was almost stunning. It was hard to tell which would melt faster, the Peep or your mental faculties.
\n
\nPeeps also turn into little yellow bricks in time. With a little Redi-Mix, we could build a formidable colorful wall from the left-behind Peeps of the passing years. They never fade, but they definitely harden.
\n
\nNow, though probably not good for the economy, we just pull the Peeps from the past out of the back of the pantry and use them for Easter decorations. Though hard, they look soft and can fool almost anyone . . . if you don't get too close. Don't touch. They're brittle and unresponsive. What was once pliable and sweet is now hard and impenetrable. Unless, of course, you drop one on a hard counter. It chips and cracks and falls apart.
\n
\nThat can happen to our hearts over time. Something stunningly pure that begins in innocence becomes hard and unresponsive, wracked by the passage of time. The soft shape of a little heart hardens into some other shape, reflecting the pressures applied or the environment absorbed or the lies accepted, until it barely resembles a heart at all anymore. So, we put it in the pantry and bring it out on special occasions. Don't touch or you might find out it isn't really a heart at all anymore. It's just a decoration. Like the Tin Man, we function and hope, but we do it more from our consciousness of what our heart should do, rather than by a risky reaction to what it is trying to tell us. Be careful. It chips and cracks and falls apart. With just a little Redi-Mix, we can build a wall, colorful and formidable. Don't get too close.
\n
\nSometimes our hearts have just become dry from the drain of tears of frustration or dismay. Too much pain has been wrung from them and they just no longer respond. The little child whose hope was met too many times with detachment or disdain. The young person whose heart drowned in the waves of harshness, pulled chokingly down into a whirlpool of judgment. Sometimes the heart has become petrified by deception. Or shrunken by rejection. The pliability is gone but the protection is in place. Don't touch. This is my heart.
\n
\nSometimes our hearts bear the imprint of a direct hit from a well-swung hammer. Each time the heart has wandered away and found itself beating irregularly, there are those who believe it is their calling to beat it back into an acceptable rhythm. Some actually are called to do so; others just like swinging hammers and are not particularly skilled at doing so.
\n
\n
\n

\"Is not my word like fire,\" declares the LORD, \"and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?\" -- Jeremiah 23:29.

\nI understand and embrace the fact that God's Word is a mighty tool to correct us and refine us, and that process often is painful. Too often, though, those who arm themselves with their corrective hammers fail to see that they are doing heart-surgery, not masonry. They wield the words, but when the pieces fall, they forget to apply the healing balm of love and the rehabilitative power of patience.
\n
\nSometimes our hearts are shredded by well-meaning bearers of truth.
\n
\n

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. -- Hebrews 4:12.

\nAnd there we lay, split and torn, thankful for the truth of who we were or had become, but wanting help to find the way back to where we were or on to where we should be. Where is the sweetness and softness that once filled our hearts? What can make them whole again now that we have survived the piercing?
\n
\n
\n

The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. -- Psalms 119:9-10

\nThis hammer . . . this sword? These ordinances? Sweeter than honey? Not just hard and crushing? Pointed . . . and precious. Sharp . . . and sure. Hard . . . and pure.
\n
\nCan it be that in its persistence to beat, the heart is both good and bad? Our own hearts and the hearts of those who often pound others into purity from their own purer-than-thou positions? Do our hearts make us both victim and victor?
\n
\nBad heart:
\n
\n

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? -- Jeremiah 17:9

\nGood heart:
\n
\n

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. -- Luke 8:15

\nSo, Jeremiah makes me want to just put the heart back into the dark of the pantry and lock the door, but Luke makes me want to take it from the pantry and plant it in the light of the spring sun. I want to produce a crop.
\n
\nThe answer, of course, is a transplant. Removing the deceitful and replacing with the noble. Finding the good soil and sitting still long enough for the roots to reach into the richness.
\n
\n

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God. -- Ezekiel 11:19-20

\nGod loves our hearts. Their collective beats produce a melody that builds into a chorus of His creation. And, like a master conductor, He hears each beat that has morphed out of tune into a peep . . . and He responds anyway, stilling the sound of the many to bring into tune the one. He will do what it takes to bring us back into the choir. Our hearts can be nourished by love or starved by lack of such. They can grow weak from lack of giving love to others.
\n
\nGod placed a heart in each of us. He did not pour us into a mold like a sticky peep. He molded us individually in his creative hands and fashioned a heart to make us work. God loves our hearts so much . . .
\n
\nSo much that . . . He will even stop the heart of his own Son. Reduce the powerful beat of a Savior to a pitiful peep and then still it altogether.
\n
\nFor me.
\n
\nAnd for you.
\n
\nIn the stillness of our hearts, He speaks to us and shows us who He really is. Yes, the Master of the Sword can as skillfully wield a scalpel, cutting away the bitterness and the sorrow and the scabs of the past, restoring the resiliency, replenishing the flow, rebuilding the trust, repairing the wounds, ripping away the walls, running moisture into the dryness. We meet again . . . we beat again. He fills our hearts again with wonder.
\n
\n

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. -- Psalm 51:6

\nYes, God did still the heart of His Son because of His love for me and for you. But only for a time. And then the heart came back from the darkness of the pantry-tomb and beat strong again . . . but this time in our own hearts. Persistent and powerful, capable to overcome everything the world throws at us, even those painful things intended for our own good that can bring more break and ache in their own way than any self-inflicted wound.
\n
\n
\nOnce again, this year, the Peeps will go back in the pantry. They're just sugar anyway. A little water and they would dissolve down the drain. A little sun and they would melt into the sidewalk, a colorful and shrinking spot.
\n
\nBut, because God spared not His own Son, our hearts are redeemed.
\n
\nThe purity is almost stunning.
\n
\nBlessed Easter,
\n
\nThom\n

", "updated_parsed": [2010, 4, 1, 12, 39, 33, 3, 91, 0], "published_parsed": [2010, 4, 1, 11, 35, 0, 3, 91, 0], "tags": [{"term": "heart", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "redemption", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "Easter", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "sin", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}, {"term": "love", "scheme": "http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#", "label": null}], "feedburner_origlink": "http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/2010/04/persistent-peep-of-seeking-heart.html", "title": "The Persistent Peep of a Seeking Heart", "thumbnail": "", "content": [{"base": "", "type": "text/html", "value": "
\n
\n

\u201cA righteous man hates all sins, even the ones he cannot conquer; and loves all the Truth, even that which he cannot understand\u201d -- Puritan Anthony Burgess

\"Is not my word like fire,\" declares the LORD, \"and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?\" -- Jeremiah 23:29.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. -- Hebrews 4:12.

The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. -- Psalms 119:9-10

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? -- Jeremiah 17:9

\nGood heart:
\n
\n

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. -- Luke 8:15

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God. -- Ezekiel 11:19-20

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. -- Psalm 51:6

", "language": null}], "href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "link": "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SignsOfAStruggle/~3/oMXAzHa9XY0/persistent-peep-of-seeking-heart.html", "author": "Thom (th2950@yahoo.com)", "published": "2010-04-01T11:35:00.000-07:00", "extendedproperty": "", "author_detail": {"href": "http://www.blogger.com/profile/02122288258494821904", "name": "Thom", "email": "th2950@yahoo.com"}, "total": "1", "id": "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4891525151395322807.post-5617127960414922817"}, {"edited": "2010-03-25T13:35:19.679-07:00", "updated": "2010-03-25T13:35:19.679-07:00", "subtitle": "
\n
\n

\n
\nMost of us can remember some event when we were younger . . . or perhaps a time just yesterday . . . when we found ourselves outside looking in. The last ones chosen for a team. No invitation to a party in our mailbox. A phone call unreturned or a letter never acknowledged. A failed job search. A turned-down loan. Or perhaps more seriously, direct rejection, perhaps in the form of a response to our failings or our fallings. Laid-off. Removed from fellowship. A relationship that unravels and fades away. There is the message that we don't or can't measure up . . . . which leads us to believe indeed we can't, so we stop trying. Separation. Loneliness. Desperation. Misguided searching for our place, somewhere to fit in. Self-medication.
\n
\nPeople who struggle with sexual brokenness -- pornography, homosexuality, adultery, idolatry or another form -- often find themselves doing deep and persistent inner searches in an attempt to understand why they struggle at all. After all, it doesn't really make any sense. Struggling on purpose would be akin to dropping yourself off the side of an ocean liner just to see if you can dog-paddle to shore. It would be stupid. Big sharks. Big waves. Big mistake. Yet, many people look at the struggler as one who happily embraces his sin, wraps himself it in like a comfortable blanket and refuses to relent . . . or repent. And . . . when it is sexual, a Christian with the problem becomes the modern version of untouchable for the squeamish in the pews.
\n
\nRejection.
\n
\nRejection is, for many a struggler, the reason he struggles in the first place. That elusive search for acceptance can lead down many a dark path. But then, darkness becomes second nature to the one who yields to its twisted shadows and finds fleeting comfort there. Strangely, it is in this seeking of acceptance that the struggler eventually triggers his own self-rejection, adding himself to the list of those who have already placed him in the basement with the broken things of life. Don't leave me becomes leave me alone.
\n
\nI've never sought to simplify the reason I struggled. It was a complicated journey. Putting a finger on one single thing as the cause cheapens the depth of the disaster. Plus, it doesn't explain the reasons for others' struggles, those who took a different path entirely, yet ended up at the same point . . . a pointless, frustrating repetitive cycle. Still, I do know that rejection played a part for me. At least a part.
\n
\nWhile I remember clearly my molestation as an eight-year-old in the trusted hands of a broken and twisted scout master -- I wasn't spared the memories by some self-induced amnesia -- I remember even more clearly the rejection I felt when he found another victim and lay me aside, used and abused and confused. Rejected. And, as a nine-year-old, I watched from across the darkened room as he groomed his next victim. I was ashamed, but I also envied. This good rejection stung as bad as any other shunning.
\n
\nAnd that's the downside of rejection. It sends us searching for someone who can fulfill us in some way and make us believe we are acceptable. In our search, we go crashing into our fellow walking wounded and combine our guilt and shame into a swirling cauldron that burns and stings and destroys. Refuge can't be found among the rejected anymore than acceptance can be found among the respected who have affixed our labels to us . . . as if we were immune to the mirror.
\n
\nBut then . . . there is the upside of rejection.
\n
\nRejection awakens you to the reality that the key they carry, which seemed to symbolize acceptance, opens only certain predetermined doors. Conditional acceptance may lead you to a more comfortable closet, but the caretakers often carry brooms, not beacons. In the closet are the hoops through which you must jump to maintain acceptance, and you are ever-aware that the door that let you in is the one that will show you out.
\n
\nThis new closet may feel comfortable and comforting at first, but it becomes confining and choking as you realize it comes with its new scales of measuring. It is a waiting place. Prove yourself and remain. Fail? Depart for having swindled the kindness.
\n
\nWhen your eyes adjust to the light, you realize it's where they store the broken things and hand-me-downs. Their acceptance of you is somehow different and distant. And dangerously familiar.
\n
\nUnless, of course, the closet is lined with grace, which is potent in its protection of your rawness, much like the cedar in a closet keeps the moths from the precious garments. The sweet smell of grace clears your lungs and allows you to breathe in the new life-giving fragrance of forgiveness. The cool comfort of grace heals the burning scars and seeps away the power of past memories, the entrapment of the guilt and shame and leaves us able to see the renewal that comes from the right kind of rejection. The upside.
\n
\n

But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation. -- Colossians 1:22

\nNow there is an \"R\" word the rejected need: \"reconciled.\" Maybe for some of us, we must travel the weary road of rejection to find the resting place of reconciliation through the acceptance that Christ provides for the repentant.
\n
\nAfter all, until we allow rejection of the old, we don't put on the new - - - new heart, new mind. Until we embrace rejection, we don't embrace renewal.
\n
\n

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! -- II Corinthians 5:17

\nSome of us take a long time to realize that our restoration does not come through men. In the stretch of that long time, we search for ways to convince others that the brokenness has somehow repaired itself and we are now acceptable. As we always have, we want to please. We accept the conditions and we work the plans and we hide the flaws in our recovery because we fear . . . rejection.
\n
\nI got so good at looking like I was running the race that I forgot I was not even in the stadium. And it cost me dearly, to the point of reaching a point where there was nothing believable about me at all. I knew Christ, but I was so busy covering myself that I refused to realize He had covered it all for me.
\n
\nIn our well-meant attempts to fit in, we put our energy into looking the part, sounding the right way, reducing the suspicions and polishing the outside to an acceptable sheen that belies the truth that the brokenness lies just beneath the surface. No fix beyond the saving grace of God will suffice. No favor among men is powerful enough to sustain the difficult repair of the damaged soul.
\n
\n
\n

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. -- Micah 6:8

\n
\nAnd then comes the day when we stop our stumbling, exchange our suffocating closet for the realities of the cross and we find the acceptance that was shrouded all along by wandering and wanting the acceptance of those around us.
\n
\nThe upside of rejection that leads to renewal is the gift of restoration. I have become aware that because of the consequences of my sin, there are things I long to have back in my life that may never return. But I am also aware that God's love is endless and I am loved by Him and He will fill that emptiness with something new. God paid an incredible price for my salvation, and, no matter how treacherous the path to repentance may be, He knows the way around each rock and the way through each valley.
\n
\n

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -- Isaiah 41:13

\nFor those who struggle, there is the upside of rejection. When others turn away and when you turn even away from yourself, yo